I’ve just started dating someone, and I really like her. Our relationship hasn’t been physical yet, but she told me that she is actually a pre-op transsexual. I really like her and want to keep seeing her, but I’m not sure how to deal with the physical aspect.
That is a very serious question. I first need to say that I am not an expert and therefore can only offer you advice from the standpoint of a person with limited experience with transsexuals.
Based on your pronoun choice, I am going to assume that your recent partner is an anatomical man who identifies as woman waiting to undergo sex-reassignment surgery to become an anatomical woman.
You answer a good portion of your own question: “I really like her and want to keep seeing her.” Do that.
Regarding physical intimacy, she was mature and responsible enough to let you know that she is a pre-op transsexual before anything physical happened.
You can be mature and responsible enough to have the sex talk with her.
She didn’t just wake up one morning with a surprise penis. She will have thought about how it influences her current sex life — thoughts that you won’t know until you ask her. Maybe she wants to postpone any below-the-waist activity until after the surgery, maybe not. She could be just as anxious as you are.
Your job is to know what you are comfortable with before that conversation. So you ask yourself, “Am I comfortable interacting sexually with this girl that I ‘really like,’ while she has a penis?” and “Am I willing to/would I prefer to wait until after her operation to go below the waist?” And then the two of you have the sex talk, just like every other healthy couple should.
For further information, I direct you to the World Professional Association of Transgender Health’s website: www.wpath.org/. Good luck to you both.
Alex Bill is a junior studying psychology and criminology.
This one stumped me. Let’s be honest here, this is a touchy subject.
And I’m guessing you were probably a little stumped yourself too.
A pre-operation transsexual is defined on the Web as an individual who wishes to have a sexual organ — male or female, top or bottom — removed. The person then becomes a “post” (hey, hey great word) operation transsexual.
There are famous pre-op transsexuals. Chaz Bono, the child of Cher and Sonny Bono and a product of the “I’ve Got You Babe” days, is a transgender. Born as Chastity and a woman physically, he was a lesbian and then underwent a legal-name and gender transformation a little more than two years ago.
All this information is simply from flicking on Access Hollywood and scanning Wikipedia, so know that information is out there if you want it.
It is normal to tango with as much curiosity as caution.
The minute you became involved with this person, you dissolved a right to form an opinion regarding sex-change operations on a social level as well as a personal one now too. If you are intimate with this person, then your sexuality is involved.
But remember: You are still learning. This does not give you any authority to judge the decisions of others. Opinions may be shared but not shoved.
So go ahead, form an opinion. I dare you. I will not tell you what is right or wrong here — get some education, explore your emotions and decide your own terms.
Lazy bones, I am not inside your mind.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
Send Alex and Steph
your sex questions at
thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
