One reader thinks she's too adorable to pick up guys.
Dear Bedpost,
How do I get guys to see me as sexy? I feel like guys only see me as adorable or their friend.
Dear reader,
Do you wear pink rabbit footie pajamas around campus? If so, one, you are my hero and a shining beacon of light in a world of darkness, and two, that may be your problem. If not, this situation may have just gotten trickier.
As man-children have been whining about on the threads of Reddit for centuries (or so it seems), it’s really difficult to get people to see you a certain way other than the fact that, I don’t know, they just see you. Hence the dreaded friend zone *lightning crackle.*
But, fear not, instead of telling you to rock bustiers and Ariana Grande go-go boots (wait, but actually do that…) I’m gonna tell you what I think a lot of people need to hear. The people you want to sleep with, but who don’t wanna sleep with you, are not people you should bother pursuing. If they’re not jumping for joy if you proposition them, you can pat yourself on the back for being the bomb dot com and putting yourself out there, pat them on the head for being honest and move the hell on.
There’s nothing wrong with you for being seen this way, there’s nothing wrong with dudes for feeling this way, but I guarantee you’ll find someone who wants to jump your bones. Besides, being called adorable is not the worst thing to be called. If you want proof, check my Tinder messages.
If your end goal is to be sexier, you have come to the right place. I have been regarded by many as the preeminent hotness coach in the Midwest. I’ve written several books on the subject, and I’ll give you a few snippets for free, exclusive to The Post.
Number one: low-cut shirts. It’s no secret the most attractive part of a woman’s body is the booby. Flaunt yours. If you’re worried about them not being voluptuous enough, they make fake ones of both temporary and permanent varieties. A simple Google search can enlighten you on pricing options to fit your income.
Deuce: Look at covers of magazines in the register aisles of grocery stores. It’s a well-known fact that there is a very specific way to look good as a woman; deviating too far from what celebrities do with their hair is a bad idea. Do your makeup like Jennifer Anniston. Guys will not find you attractive unless you do. Uniqueness in appearance is scary to men.
Tray: High heels, I guess? I feel like this list needs a third thing, but the first two tell you all you need to know. Tits and look like everyone else. Maybe make it obvious your underwear would make your father sad. I’ll let you get creative with that one.
If all of that fails, guess what? Being cute and adorable is not a bad thing at all. If you’re complaining that people find you too cute and you have friends, maybe being sexy isn’t what you should be worried about. Maybe you’re doing OK.
Or spring for implants. It’s up to you.
Questions about relationships or sex? Email them to thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
