So, you’ve found yourself being the “other person” in a non-physical relationship.
The coronavirus pandemic brought many people together, some almost too close. Trust me, I know. I found solace in the emotional depth of someone in a relationship, and created my own little “Cruel Summer” moment as I partook in an emotional affair.
Emotional affairs are when someone in a relationship seeks emotional depth in a person outside of that relationship. Oftentimes, it begins as a friendship and expands into a deep-rooted connection that no one saw coming. A lot of people don’t understand that they’re involved in an emotional affair until it boils over, and that can get ugly.
These relationships often begin between co-workers or close friends. There will be some sort of initial connection, but none of it really matters at that point. It’s to simply fill a void that a significant other is failing to. However, for the person not in a relationship, it can begin to feel like you’re forming a new love of your own.
Emotional affairs are flat-out painful for all parties involved. They’re especially terrible if you cannot seem to let go of each other. The slightest sights or sounds can reignite the spark that never turned into a flame.
They foster such a deep connection that can make members of the affair think that a relationship could happen, even though someone is already romantically involved with a third party. It’s hard to play the role of a significant other without actually holding the title, however, it’s even harder to watch them continue in their relationship.
If you find that you are the “other person,” it is OK. Remain calm and know that your feelings are valid, too. Relationships are not a one-way street in any way, shape or form. Sometimes things happen because fate takes the reins — pointing fingers is not worth the pain.
Emotional affairs are harder to recognize because the feelings are there but it has a will they-won’t they aspect to it — it just lacks the sexual activity of a true affair. The downfall from this will hurt the non-coupled person more than the coupled person because they have no one to fall back on. The heartache is raw and real. Let yourself feel it.
Were you involved in a form of cheating? Yes, but did you let it get physical? No. However, you must break it off.
It’s much different than getting over unrequited feelings. You know that person liked you and they had a chance to choose you, but they didn’t. The best way to get over being the emotional side-person is to take a step back. Walk away from the situation and never look back.
One never feels whole again after an emotional affair either. A piece of them leaves forever when their thought-to-be person leaves. It’s best that you don’t think about how the voices in your head went silent with that person, about how it felt when they stood by your side, or the nights you spent talking on the phone late at night. You must leave it all in the past, especially if they reconcile with their partner.
Now, if it happens that they come around you again, it is in your best interest to not walk down that road for a second time. They’ll just rinse and repeat like an old washing machine.
On the bright side, the growth that comes from an emotional affair is a beautiful thing. It teaches a person to know their worth and how to regain independence after it’s been lost for so long. You also get to learn about what you emotionally need in a relationship. It’s nice to know that there’s more out there besides physical intimacy in a world dominated by hookup culture.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
