Ohio University junior Peter Vilardi announces his Student Senate campaign.
To the Editor,
My name is Peter Vilardi, and I am a junior here at Ohio University. With this letter I formally announce my campaign for Student Senate for the 2015-16 school year. I am running for the positions of president, vice president, treasurer, secretary, secretary-general, dramaturg, and quartermaster of Student Senate. I am running on the ticket Athens Needs Us — or ANUS for short.
So just what is ANUS all about? Well, it is the goal of ANUS to address the foremost concerns of the student body. In light of these concerns, ANUS has developed several TP’s (talking points) designed to address them. The platform of ANUS is based on a 3-ply system of TP’s:
TP No. 1: BM (Bat Management). As I am sure you are all aware, the university has deemed it necessary to purchase a $1.2 million dollar house for President McDavis, citing concerns about bats taking residence in the presidential mansion. ANUS is completely against this egregious move. I can assure you that we are not taking this sitting down, or even squatting. No, ANUS stands in full force against the current BM method, and, if elected to these positions, I will push through a new BM. No ifs, ands, or … well, you know the rest.
TP No. 2: CRAP (Corruption Response and Policing). In the past few years, a great deal of negative publicity and outside attention has plagued Student Senate, and has impaired its ability to effect lasting change for the student body. I, and the rest of ANUS, attribute this problem to a thread of corruption and self-interest sliding through this body, and through the university administration at large. If I am elected to Student Senate, ANUS will appoint a CRAPmaster to wipe out corruption, front to back, wherever it dwells.
TP No. 3: SHIT (Stop Hiking and Increasing Tuition). The cost of yearly tuition, and with it the amount of student debt, has risen drastically over the past few years, at the frivolous whims of McDavis and the Board of Trustees. Past administrations of Student Senate have been powerless to stop these disturbing developments. But, as the head of Student Senate and the proud leader of ANUS, I will ensure that the general body pushes out resolutions that will impel President McDavis and the Board of Trustees to SHIT.
With this 3-ply system, I am confident that ANUS will be more than capable of tackling the issues most relevant to OU students. For more information on ANUS, please visit our website at http://anusforou.blogspot.com/, or contact us via email at askANUS@email.myspace.net. We are also currently accepting volunteers to join our campaign! Whatever your background or experience, there’s always a place for you in ANUS. And that’s a promise. I hope that, on Election Day, you select “ANUS” on your ballots, or perhaps write it in bold letters. Thank you, and remember, This Student Body Needs ANUS!
Peter Vilardi is a junior studying music production at Ohio University.
