The wheel, the automobile and the light bulb - all great inventions for mankind, but they pale in comparison to the invention of putting sports, beer and piles of fattening spicy food together.
This great man gave us so much, but he is not listed among his fellow greats-Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. His identity unknown, the creator of the sports bar often is sadly forgotten.
Well Mr. Sports Bar Inventor, I salute you.
It is scary to think what the world would be like without sports bars. Without his invention, there would be no Buffalo Wild Wings to serve cheap happy hour drinks on baseball's Opening Day or spicy wings during the first round of the road to the final four.
Without Mr. Sports Bar Inventor, we would not have access to sports satellite packages at Damon's that many men gladly would sacrifice their first-born child to have in their houses.
Want to see that first round NCAA Tournament game on the West Coast? Want to catch the first round of the World's Strongest Man competition in Africa? Want to catch your little brother's Little League game that you couldn't make it home for?
Any of these are child's play for any goods sports bar. I like to challenge them a bit.
"Yeah, I want to see the quarterfinals of the National Cricket Championship, but not the English League - the Irish League, please. Oh, and would you make sure that it is the premier league? I don't want to watch those minor-league hacks."
"Sir we have six quarterfinal games, so you are going to have to let us know what team you want to see exactly. And please don't worry sir. We will make sure it is the premier league. If you would like to watch your team's minor-league cricket team play, please let the bartender know."
Ah, Mr. Sports Bar Inventor, how far the technology of the sports bar world has come since you got this whole thing started. You were happy with just getting a larger antenna to pick up a few extra games back in your day.
Now sports bar patrons sit at tables that have their own personal television for them to control. Behind the bar, four big-screen televisions all are carrying different games at once.
Watching four different sports play at once could cause many to have a sensory overload - this is where the beer comes into play.
After a few beers, a hamburger that weighs more than your hand and cheese fries that are more grease than fries, your body will be ready to hibernate - not hyperventilate - from sports sensory overload.
Yes Mr. Sports Bar Inventor, you thought of everything, and I salute you. Every time I go into Damon's, The Pub or Red Brick to watch my favorite teams, I must buy a beer in your honor.
And sometimes I buy a couple more after that.
- Shugar is a senior journalism major. Send him e-mail at paul.shugar@ohiou.edu.
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Paul Shugar
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Paul Shugar
