I don’t know if it’s a culture thing (because I’m from China), but at my age (and I’m 22, by the way), my parents are super anxious to get me married.
I talk to my parents on Skype every other day. It seems no matter how many interesting stories I have to tell them within however short a time, our conversation always, and I mean always, end up in “boyfriend” and ”relationships”.
I got legitimately upset and said, one day, at the beginning of our Skype conversation that I did not want to hear a word about my relationship.
My mom said: “Surely we don’t want to pressure you, honey. You take your time and find the right man.”
After that, she developed a new favorite topic: Showing “support”, which was actually much worse than reminding me that I needed a future husband.
It’s like, “Oh honey, the story you just told me about you visiting fracking sites was so interesting. By the way, we don’t want to put pressure on you into getting married.”
OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. But this is pretty much how I feel about how it goes every time.
And it’s not just my parents. I was chatting with my best friend this morning. She is a master’s student in law school in China right now. She said she was considering getting a Ph.D. in the U.S. but her Dad would not let her because it would take too long and she would pass her “best age to get married,” which is 24 or 25, I think.
Because I’m super selfish and want my bestie to be in the States so we can hang out and travel together, I said to her: “Come on! It’s your life. Don’t let what your Dad thinks stand in the way!”
“Oh, it’s not just him.” She answered, “Suppose I want to get married at 24, and it takes a year to develop a steady relationship. This means I will have to find the right guy before 23, which only leaves me 7 months.”
And we are of the same age, so … crap!
If you are a girl in China who is older than 24 or 25 and still single, you automatically turn into the “leftovers.”
Friends and relatives would comfort you, saying, “You are just too good,” or “You have set your bar too high,” but behind your back, they would have a long conversation, questioning, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
How do I know that? Well, it’s because I’ve heard a lot of those mean behind-the-back talks, and shamefully, sometimes I piled on just for fun.
I’ve decided to stop participation in such conversations, not because I want to save face when my 25th birthday comes (OK, maybe it’s partially that), but because I realize how ridiculous it sounds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve always considered marriage a sacred act and it should happen spontaneously only when two persons are very much in love, not because you are getting old (and for God’s sake, 25 is not that old!).
And I know this sounds like a pep talk for a chubby ugly girl, or what Bridget Jones would write in her diary, but I seriously think marriage is sometimes overrated. And putting off what you have on mind just to settle down for a marriage will not work too well because being married means more than just a beautiful wedding.
It is a long time commitment and responsibility — until you get a divorce, of course.
Even the belief that people should get married seems just outdated to me, at least for now. As for me, marriage is a bonus in life, not a necessity. So some do; some don’t.
No big deal.
By the way, I’m not sending this week’s column to my parents, because I’m worried they might faint.
Bixi Tian is a graduate student studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Email her at bt121511@ohiou.edu.
