Here's the thing about those of you who eat in restaurants and do not tip your server: you are bad people who will hopefully fall into a well.
Of course I am fairly partial, being as I am a waiter at a local pizza restaurant (I will not say which one, but it is shaped like a hut). But long before I put on the tacky polo shirt and apron of my job, I believed people who work for tips should earn tips. I know this may come as a shock, but I really believe in it.
Now those of you out there who are poor tippers are probably trying to defend yourself with the common excuses for being such an evil human specimen, so let's go over some of these and I will explain to you why you are wrong.
Lame tipper excuse #1: "I thought that servers were paid hourly." Yes, this is slightly true. After two years of working at my unnamed pizza store, I have worked my way up to an hourly wage of $2.33. This means if I worked 40 hours a week I would make around $75 after taxes -- that pays this years raise in tuition, eh?
Lame tipper excuse #2: "I forgot." No, you didn't. Please don't lie to me, it hurts me and it makes baby Jesus cry.
Lame tipper excuse #3: "I didn't have any extra money or one dollar bills after I paid the bill." This one may be the worst. If you don't have money to pay for the service, then don't get the service. What would happen if the cable man showed up at your house to put in two hours of work and then you stiffed him? "I'm sorry cable dude, but I spent all my money on the television.
Lame tipper excuse #4: "My service was really bad." All right, there is some legitimacy to this claim -- some. You see, bad service is the gray area of the profession. For example, if your server does everything right but you're pissed off because you had to wait in line for an hour or because your kids keep pestering you for quarters to play yet another Justin Timberlake original hit on the jukebox, then maybe you should look past your server to some deep rooted anger issues (try complaining to Timberlake's record producers -- please). Of course, some servers simply will do a bad job. (Once, I spilled an entire Michelob Light on a customer, which wouldn't have been so bad, but he had ordered a Bud Light). In this case, a poor tip is acceptable, but to completely disavow any knowledge of a tip is wrong unless you are still hungry, your drinks were never brought and one of your toes is bleeding.
I'm not asking you to tip all of your servers $20 whenever you go out for coffee. What I'm asking is to think of your servers. The job description for servers is simple: be nice to people (even though they usually ignore you), smile all the time (even when some six-year old kid spills his drink after his mother said that he didn't need a cup with a lid), and make sure everyone is doing OK (even though the sauce is too hot when it's on level 7 and too cold when it's on level 6). While this may sound relatively simple, it isn't -- especially when a restaurant is busy. I am not just here pleading my own case; I am begging for waiters and waitress' everywhere. Some of them are doing the job to pay for college, some to pay for their bills, and some are trying to pay for their kids' education. Either way, we all work on tips, so please -- tip your server.
--Cottrill is a junior English major who never tips his server. Send him a tip or an e-mail at michael.cottrill@ohiou.edu
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Mike Cottrill
