When coming into college, many people refer to this period as “the best time of your life.” They say people meet their best friends in college and never want to leave. Rose-colored glasses are put over the expectations of the fun a person will have or is supposed to have. An incoming college student might expect a perfect friend group in which everyone is always together, going on adventures and getting into mischief. When reality kicks in, the overwhelming loneliness of college is unexpected. The problem is, everyone faces it, and it’s not talked about enough.
In high school, the friends a person makes are typically from inevitable surroundings and familiarity. Geographic factors can be in play when two kids grow up in the same neighborhood. In middle and high school, a person sees the same people frequently, whether from clubs and sports or just from being in the same classes for many years. Students see the same people often in a smaller demographic for a long period of their lives, but in college, everyone’s a stranger.
Transitioning into a college environment, not only is everyone new to each other, but everyone is extremely busy with their own unique schedules. It’s rare to run into the same people repeatedly, so students now have to go out of their way to schedule friends into their lives.
There are many expectations on not only the way college will go, but also the way college students behave. A need for independence and strength can sometimes challenge the ability to prioritize friendships. A study on masculinity and social connectedness showed men had high levels of depression and loneliness without a strong support network, correlating this to societal pressure on men to be strong and restrain their emotions.
Women are generally more vulnerable with their friends than men, providing them with the emotional support any person needs in a connection. Vulnerability deepens connections because speaking up validates the presence of people who care and want to listen.
Both men and women, however, have pressure on them to work hard and be independent. College is not meant to be easy, and it is a privilege to have a higher education. These pressures evoking a fear of failure and feelings of stress can be from society, family or internal with someone’s personal expectations.
In addition to expectations, people have a harder time making friends now than they did 30 years ago. A survey on the number of close friends reported by men and women compared results from 1990 to 2021. Both men and women reported far fewer close friends over the time period. In 1990, about 55% of men reported having at least six close friends. In 2021, the number decreased to 27%. 15% in 2021 reported having no close friends at all.
The severity of the loneliness epidemic is becoming well known. Some speculate it stems from the COVID-19 pandemic, but The U.S. Department of Health says it started before then. This site correlates the problem to technology use and reports a 60% increase in risk of premature death due to a lack of social connection. They prescribe the reevaluation of technology use and advise people to speak up to normalize the universality of the issue.
Technology is often the problem for modern mental health issues. In some ways it seems counterintuitive since social media’s explicit purpose is to facilitate social connection. However, it puts too much reliance on instantly gratifying, digital social connections without important face-to-face contact.
Making the issue known is the first step to solving it. Many people believe they are alone in their loneliness and don’t realize how many others around them are also wanting to make connections. However, colleges offer opportunities to meet people such as events and clubs to join, facilitating many new connections.
It’s easy for people to let themself down when college isn’t immediately the best time of their life, but making that first step to join a club, or reaching out first to spend time with new friends can shift a bad day into a significantly happier life. It’s important to remember everyone feels the same way at times, and the more it is talked about, the less lonely everyone will be.
Libby Evans is a junior studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Want to talk more about it? Let Libby know by emailing her at le422021@ohio.edu.
