Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook as a way for people to network socially, and we all know how that turned out. Jack Dorsey created Twitter so the world could share the human experience as fast as the chatter of birds and it became just that, as well as an outlet for people to regurgitate what others have written and call themselves journalists as well as to passive-aggressively fight with each other through the use of vague public messages.
Then there is Pinterest, the holy mecca for women to do what women do best: cherish things that they don’t have while simultaneously rejecting what they have.
Yes, if you have never ventured into the Pinterest realm, it is a website full of wedding ideas, fashion ideas, parenting ideas, decorating ideas and lots of other ideas for things that women not only can’t do without, but absolutely must be responsible for.
And we absolutely cannot get enough of it.
“Sorry kids, mommy doesn’t have time to play right now, she’s searching through Pinterest. But I’m telling you, in eight months when Halloween comes around, you are going to have the best damn homemade costumes this side of the nuthouse!”
Look at these adorable individual apple pies or these instructions for Red Lobster’s Cheddar Bay biscuits that must be legitimate because this woman claims she is an employee! I must save the recipes so that later when relatives come over I can just buy a cheese tray at Wal-Mart instead!
What do you mean I should try making them myself sometime? This isn’t the 1950s!
Then there are weddings, in my opinion one of the most addictive aspects of Pinterest — or as I call it, “one-upsmanship for women.”
I’m not engaged. I don’t have a boyfriend. Hell, I’m not even having a child out of wedlock and covering it up by marrying a one-night stand and telling my family he’s “changed since high school.” Regardless, like the majority of Pinterest users, I am planning a non-existent wedding for myself by compiling what everyone else has already done and making it (drumroll please!) my own.
Let’s face it, ladies. We’re not Martha Stewart, and we probably won’t grow up to be in a Swiffer/Mr.Clean/Clorox/Lysol/Tide/anything that involves cleaning or cooking commercial in which we pose as bikini-ready wives that wait around for dust to fall so that we can clean it back up in between pregnancies. So for us, it’s better to just fantasize over Pinterest’s do-it-yourself tips than to actually do it ourselves. I mean, let’s get real here:
“You can make cheap (but cute!) wedding favors without spending a dime by using things that everyone who is anyone would just have lying around their house!”
You’ll just need a few dozen cornhusks, a large assortment of colorful and empty flowerpots, and about 100 bags of corporate-rejected M&M colors!
And don’t forget to allot about nine hours out of each day leading up to your wedding so that you have time to hand-embroider your wedding invites with miniature outlines of you and your future hubby!
So for all of you out there who would rather eat the frosting out of the container than use it to draw turkeys on cupcakes and think the inventor of the term “hubby” deserves a Martha Stewart frying pan to the face, keep calm and “pin” on, and may you never have to actually partake in Pinterest ideas in real life.
Jackie Runion is a junior studying journalism at Ohio University and a columnist for The Post. Do you like Pinterest? Email Jackie at jr178409@ohiou.edu.
