Editor,
In spite of the peace protests last weekend, I still favor preemptive strikes against third world nations building weapons of mass destruction. We have to hit the bad guys first. And yes, that includes the starving masses of Iraq and Afghanistan. That’s why I am advocating an immediate invasion of Ethiopia.
The Ethiopians may not appear to be threatening: 10 percent of the population has AIDS and the average life expectancy is 44 years. However, recent intelligence has reported that Ethiopia currently controls potential weapons of mass destruction called "rocks."
Most historians agree that all primitive weapons used rock as a central component: they are the crucial first step to building atom bombs and anthrax. Research has shown that some 95 percent of Ethiopia is composed of rocks, which can be turned against the men and women of our armed forces. The danger isn’t going to go away: satellite photos have revealed that some Ethiopians are capable of tying their rocks onto sticks, creating a sort of “clubbing” device, which could be used to “club” our brave soldiers overseas. Can you imagine the savagery? Have these barbarians never heard of the tools of sophisticated warfare, like M-16s, land mines or tomahawk missiles?
Where is the United Nations on this issue? We should be sending teams into Ethiopia immediately to ascertain the exact number of rocks and sticks they control. Then we should carefully weigh the evidence before we invade them and take their oil.
Sincerely,
Ryan Arey frag_nag@yahoo.com
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