Jeb can finally be who he truly wanted to be all along.
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Ever since Jeb Bush joined the campaign trail, it’s been a rocky road. Whether people accused him of being too calm or too catty, he could never quite achieve the same level of support as Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. His campaign had a slow start because of his family name, and has been overwhelmingly “eh” ever since.
However, Jeb Bush revealed his true intentions this past Saturday when he announced he was dropping out of the 2016 presidential race.
“The truth is, I never wanted to be president," Bush said. "I felt like I had to keep the legacy going, to keep the family name up. You know, the third Bush. The big, final Bush. But that’s not what I want. That’s not who I am. The truth is that I always wanted to be an anime idol, or as close to one as a human being can be. And now, by dropping my name off of the presidential race, I can finally pursue that dream.”
Met with many boos from the crowd, Bush continued.
“In fact, I will be doing my very first performance tonight as the anime idol, Jeb-chan!," he said.
Bush then quickly had a costume change into a cute dress and did his makeup before running onstage and smiling big throughout his first ever live singing performance.
“It was disturbing,” an NBC News reporter said. “One of the most bizarre spirals downward I’ve ever seen in a campaign speech, and I’ve seen a lot of Ben Carson speeches, few of which were worse than this. But yes, some Ben Carson speeches were definitely worse than this."
“It’s the first time I’ve ever looked at one of my sons and thought that he made the wrong decision,” Barbara Bush said. “I’ve supported every other decision my sons have made in or out of office, but becoming an anime idol was never what I wanted for my son. Not even once.”
“What a nut,” George W. Bush told reporters. “Crazy guy. I can’t believe I even tried to campaign for him. He clearly knows nothing about politics.”
Jeb-chan! said he would be continuing his anime idol tour across the nation, using his campaign donations and the money he received from Super PACs to fund his endeavors.
“I thank you all for your support,” Jeb-chan! said. “I know this isn’t where you originally planned for your money to go, but you can know that I’m finally chasing my dream.”
The only one to clap at the end of the performance was Jeb’s father, George H.W. Bush, who had a tear in his eye.
Marco Omta is a freshman studying music production. Are you surprised by Jeb Bush's change of heart? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.
