A look at 2014’s most disappointing movies.
Between not attending this year’s Sundance Film Festival, swamping through the cinematically dry spells of January and being sick to death of talking about “American Sniper,” I didn’t really have a lot to discuss this week. Instead of half-assing a column about “Selma,” I figured I would look back on 2014’s year of cinema one last time.
The past two weeks, I discussed my favorite and least favorites movies of 2014, but I wanted to take this opportunity to discuss the ones that weren’t necessarily the worst, but definitely left my wallet and soul disheartened leaving the cinema. So, these were movies I expected to be 10 times better than anything on my bottom 10 list, and yet all came pretty close to rounding out the list.
Quickly including some (dis)honorable mentions: “The Monuments Men,” “Need for Speed,”“Dumb and Dumber To,” “Fading Gigolo,” “Unbroken,” Gambit,” “The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies” and “They Came Together.” These were what I considered 2014’s biggest disappointments.
6. A Million Ways to Die in the West
After years of dismissing Seth MacFarlane as a sell-out, I was immensely surprised and overjoyed to see his charisma and wit back in action with his feature directorial debut “Ted.” When it was announced he was quickly at work on his sophomore effort, “A Million Ways to Die in the West” — a western, of all things — I was excited to see MacFarlane’s new, invigorated latest effort.
Unfortunately, “West”is just about what I expected to see from his first film. Its lazy bathroom jokes and unappealing pop culture references do next to nothing, and the likable cast feels aimless in their approaches. Despite the director’s charisma with female lead Charlize Theron, this western will make you as for one of its titular deaths — to MacFarlane’s career, that is!
5. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Like most film geeks my age, 2004’s “Sin City” wildly enamored me in my teens. The pulpy, no-holds-bar style was lively and wholly original. Yet, its sequel, 10 years later, is anything but. Despite a nice, self-aware turn for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, this return to the titular city feels haggard and predictably heartless now.
The VFX effects are somehow worse, while its returning cast — save for Powers Boothe and Mickey Rourke — don’t seem invested in this world anymore. I don’t want to say this is five years too late, but … it’s about five years too late, Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller. Time to go home.
4. Wish I Was Here
Having adored Zach Braff’s visionary, quirky hilarious and deeply felt directorial debut, “Garden State”back in 2004, I intently waited a whole decade for his follow-up. 10 years later, it came — thanks to a particularly controversial Kickstarter campaign — and, well, it was trite, pretentious and utterly mundane, the exact opposite of this last movie.
“Wish I Was Here” feels like the kind of movie Braff would have made first, following up with the more mature and somber “Garden State.” It’s baffling how it took him 10 years to come up with something this cliché, sappy and run-of-the-mill. With a completely unrelatable protagonist, sloppy direction and extremely on-the-nose writing, “Wish I Was Here” makes me wi … well, you know where I’m going with this.
3. Magic in the Moonlight
Every year, I consider it a privilege and joy to see the newest Woody Allen joint. To paraphrase the old saying: Allen films are a lot like pizza and sex — even when they’re bad, they’re still pretty good. Well, sadly, that phrase can’t apply to “Magic in the Moonlight.”
A tepid, flat period rom-com, the comedy lacks the sizzle and pop of Allen’s work, going for easy laughs and tired story tropes. The leads, Emma Stone and Colin Firth, are charming, but their chemistry-absent affair makes “Magic” hollow and annoyingly aimless. All the pretty European backdrops in the world can’t make this Allen film worth it.
2. Tusk
Through thick and thin, I remain a fan of writer/director Kevin Smith. His charm and wit may be disappearing in a haze within his pot-smoking rebirth, but he’s still as passionate as ever. No matter how weak some of his films are I anticipate whatever he creates from his messed-up, blabbering head.
What makes his latest film, “Tusk,” so disappointing is how much promise it holds. The script comes from an inspired place, and the film boosts strong on-screen turns from Michael Parks, Justin Long and Genesis Rodriguez. It’s also one of Smith’s best looking films to date, thanks to James Laxton’s cinematography. However, its mismatched tone, wonky special effects and Johnny Depp’s terrible supporting role makes this borderline unwatchable as it progresses. I will give it one thing, though, it does make great, weird use of the Fleetwood Mac song of the same name.
1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
There’s not much I can say about this superhero sequel that the Internet hasn’t already, so I’ll keep this brief. As someone who actually liked every “Spider-Man” film before this (yes, even “Spider-Man 3”), I kept my hopes beyond arms’ reach for Spidey’s return. Alas, I now understand the pain of seeing the web slinger’s legacy dragged through the dirt.
With horrid supporting turns from Jamie Foxx and Dane DeHaan, piss-poor special effects, a questionable score, a luridly awful screenplay and clumsy direction, “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” is just an absolute mess of a movie. I will defend the original trilogy to my grave, but this one? As if.
Will Ashton is a senior studying journalism and a staff writer for TheCelebrityCafe.com. Email him at wa054010@ohio.edu or find him on Twitter at @thewillofash.
