5. Grown Ups 2
To call Grown Ups 2 Adam Sandler’s most uninspired film is truly an accomplishment. But, sure enough, it truly is. While not as mind-numbingly annoying as 2012’s That’s My Boy, there is still no denying that this effort continues Sandler’s seemingly endless descent into proving that he is, indeed, his character in Funny People after all. Soulless, unimaginative, and tedious, this is the comedy where Sandler has zero plot, as if he is making a long-lost Richard Linklater film. Just stop.
4. The Host
I have seen few films as boring as The Host. Absolutely nothing on the screen is engaging, interesting or rewarding in any way possible, and considering that I am actually a fan of writer/director Andrew Niccol, it hurts a little to say that. While it all looks decent, it plays like a worse M. Night Shyamalan film than even Shyamalan’s contribution to cinema this year. The script is beyond awful, the acting is horrendous — save for William Hurt, who does try, bless him — and nobody in the film looks like they know or care what they are supposed to be doing. I am so glad that nobody saw this, because I don’t know if I could survive a sequel.
3. Identity Thief
In a year of truly bad comedies, this film, somehow, takes the cake. Not only is this film painfully unfunny, it is downright insulting, not just to its audience, but to anybody who ever lost their identity. Listen, I have, and always will, say that anything can be funny, but Identity Thief is a scary and sad thing. While there is probably a way to make it work, this is certainly not it. Melissa McCarthy’s Sandy is a completely disgusting person in every way possible, and the film has the balls to try to make us sympathize her in the end. If that wasn’t bad, Jason Bateman is continuing his tradition of playing Michael Bluth in everything. C’mon man, it’s getting old. Please cut it out. Wow, what a terrible, terrible comedy.
2. A Good Day to Die Hard
Not only the most disappointing film of the year, but perhaps the most disappointing film of the past couple years. Nothing in this movie works. Bruce Willis doesn’t care. The action sequences are shot in the worst shaky cam possible. The set pieces are uninspired. The script is horrendously incompetent. The jokes don’t even make sense. But, worst of all, it is a complete betrayal to the Die Hard franchise. There is nothing about this character, beyond his name, that has any relation to the first film. It would be bad enough if this was just a generic action film from a major studio, but the fact that this film is included in the Die Hard series is like a punch in the gut that will never stop. It’s been almost a year since I saw this, yet I am still feeling the pain of having seen it in the first place. I better stop now before my blood boils any further.
1. Foodfight!
I didn’t think I would see a film this year that was worse than A Good Day to Die Hard. But, sure enough, I did. There are few words that can truly describe how truly awful Foodfight! is. This is not only the worst movie of the year, but this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my whole life. The animation is beyond ugly. The jokes are beyond insipid. The plot is beyond lazy. The voice acting is beyond over- and under- directed. The direction is beyond incompetent. The script is beyond underwritten. Worst of all, however, is that this movie doesn’t even seem to know who the hell its audience is supposed to be. There were jokes that are beyond lowbrow bathroom humor, yet there are also jokes that are so adult and overtly sexual that they would feel out of place in an R-rated raunchy comedy, let alone a PG “family” movie. I have seen a lot of terrible family movies — and I mean a lot — but few compare to how painfully awful Foodfight! is. This is an embarrassment to cinema in every way imaginable, and the fact that somebody — somewhere — spent $65 million (!) on this is beyond unbelievable.
Will Ashton is a junior studying journalism and a writer for The Post.What are your least favorite films of 2013? Email him your rants at wa054010@ohiou.edu. Check out thepostculture.wordpress.com to see more worst (and best) picks.
