EARTH — The United Nations have recently come to terms with the differences between them and the United States and have decided to break things off completely.
“Look, you’re really important to me,” the United Nations reportedly said. “But it seems like you have different priorities and we’re on different pages here. Hey, it’s not you, it’s me. We clearly just think really differently, and that’s okay.”
After recent controversial proposals being enacted that make it more different for immigrants to enter the United States, some ties that
“I respect your decisions, I really do,” the United Nations said. “But it’s just not working out. I hope we can still be friends.”
This heartbreaking news has shattered the hopes of many Americans.
“I liked the U.N.,” Louisiana citizen Mitchell Morgan told reporters. “It sounded close enough to U.S., so there’s no reason for me not to like it. God bless America.”
Others have been indifferent or even glad to hear the news.
“This — now this is the definition of ‘America first,’ ” Texas resident Jane Dillard said. “We don’t need all those other nations. The only thing I wanna see united is the states. Unless Texas can secede. That’d be pretty cool, too.”
This news has been shocking to many Americans, but some are not surprised at all.
“How are we supposed to rule the world if we’re part of some big buddy-buddy group who works together with all the other countries?” North Carolina resident Cal Humphreys said. “This is a step in the right direction towards complete world domination. I just want a good future for my kids, that’s all. If they keep seeing people of other cultures and diverse backgrounds, I’m scared they’ll have to learn more about the world and become sophisticated individuals who strive to delve outside of their individualized social bubbles and out into the real world, and who wants that for their kids? Not me, that’s sure as hell.”
The United States Government has yet to comment on the matter, although we at the Sarcastic Scoop have been tweeting at them all last night.
