One reader has a problem with excessive fighting in his relationship
Dear reader,
Well, everyone knows that only couples that break up fight … so you should probably just put yourself out of your misery now.
No one likes to fight. Well … that’s a lie. You can find lots of people who will like anything. That’s why we have Nickleback and pickled beets. But, generally, people don’t like fighting, so I’m sure your boyfriend is not doing this on purpose.
If you’ve been dating for a long time, it’s pretty natural to bicker. I know at about the 10 month marker in a relationship, I start to feel like James Franco in that movie where he chews his arm off. It’s totally normal to have some relatively stupid arguments at this point.
But, it’s a little messed up that you feel like you can’t even state your opinion without an argument. You obviously realize this. So, the next time you find yourself at the beginnings of a fight, take a step back, really listen to what he is saying. Is it even about you or is he like an old man yelling at a cloud?
I wouldn’t advise telling him what he’s getting angry about is stupid, but be sure to let him know, in the calmest possible way, that he’s making you feel super bad by treating you like this and you don’t want to constantly fight him. It doesn’t sound like what your arguments are about is an indication of these huge, terrible problems, so I think just a little bit of a white flag might be worth it.
That’s the cool thing about a relationship, you get someone on your side. Be sure to remind him that you’re in his corner and you really, really need him in yours.
It’s been said on at least one episode of Parks and Recreation that a relationship without fighting is probably a bad relationship. You need to be getting vulnerable enough and cutting enough with each other to really push the boundaries and see if you’re really right for each other.
That said, you probably shouldn’t be fighting constantly. There needs to be, dare I say it, more than 50 percent not fighting. Probably even more than that.
If a band puts out an album with a really good song and everything else they do is terrible, it’s a bad band, right? The same applies here. It sounds like most of the time, you two are fighting, therefore it’s a bad relationship. That’s math.
I’m sure the scenario here is more nuanced than I just gave credence to, but I still would recommend taking a good, long look at your relationship. If you’re afraid to even state an opinion without being scoffed at, your partner is certainly not giving you the respect you probably deserve (probably. Nothing comes for free, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt).
It’s also telling your question didn’t include anything along the lines of “I really love him, but …” or “Mostly our relationship is great, but … .” You couldn’t even be bothered to make a half-assed apology for him.
That doesn’t bode well for the health of your relationship.
Really think about why you’re still in this. You might find a reason. But at least think about it.
