In a dating environment fueled by hookup culture and surface level Hinge meetups, many college students spend time fruitlessly seeking commitment and monogamy. For those people, the concept of a sexually open relationship may sound counterintuitive and senseless. However, an open relationship can be a healthy way to explore sexuality and romanticism in a phase of life where self-discovery is most important.
PsychCentral defines an open relationship as “one where you and your partner agree to allow sexual encounters with other people.” Open relationships fall under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy, sometimes referred to as consensual non-monogamy. Honesty about these encounters sets an open relationship apart from cheating, where a person in a monogamous relationship has sex with others in secret.
Many people confuse open relationships with polyamory, another category of ENM in which partners are allowed to seek romantic as well as sexual connections with others. An open relationship only allows for sexual encounters outside of the primary relationship, often to meet sexual needs or explore sexual variation while still maintaining a close romantic connection with their partner.
Although each open relationship is different and comes with unique boundaries that meet the needs of each individual, the healthiest open relationships meet two main requirements: that both partners have equal interest in the openness of the relationship and that both partners have complete trust in each other.
If one person is psyched about the idea of sleeping with other people while the other has no interest at all, this can lead to an unhealthy power imbalance. This doesn’t mean that one participant in an open relationship having a higher sex drive than the other will destroy the partnership, but an equal understanding and interest in the state of the relationship is crucial to its success.
This leads to the next and most important factor of an open relationship: trust. Not only trust that someone's partner will be honest about when they sexually engage with others, but trust that they are using proper protection, aren’t developing a romantic connection, aren’t violating any boundaries and countless other things that require full, unbridled honesty. Trust like this is hard to find, but it can allow two partners to grow closer together when it is utilized in the context of ENM.
If two partners have total trust in each other, sleeping with other people while still maintaining a romantic connection can act as a testament to the relationship’s strength and make a partnership even stronger. An open relationship can act as a form of exposure therapy against emotions of envy and possessiveness, which will turn out to be a strength in many aspects of life.
Many people are simply uninterested in finding sexual freedom and variety while in a committed relationship. Others are drawn to the world of self-discovery that is granted by sexual freedom, but are afraid of the stigma surrounding open relationships.
According to PsychCentral, one in five single adults have participated in an ENM relationship; PR Newswire reports the same amount of people have cheated while in a relationship. Open relationships grant people sexual freedom without betraying the trust of their partner, but they must first move past the stigma surrounding being ethical with their non-monogamy.
For people interested in opening up a relationship, the first step is introspection. Self Magazine recommends asking a series of internal questions before opening up a relationship, such as what a person is looking to gain out of ENM and how jealousy factors into their self-worth.
Open relationships require a firm, honest grasp on one's psyche and their partnership, proving that an open relationship can not only be a healthy way to grow closer to a partner, but also a way to better understand oneself.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
