Friendship can be hard. The friends people have are markers for how they view the world and themselves. So, although the world is in a constant state of flux, it becomes difficult and nerve-wracking to understand one’s identity.
Beginning in childhood, people seek friendships to avoid loneliness and isolation. According to the Mayo Clinic, friends “raise your sense of connection, belonging and purpose.” However, once those friendships are formed, they take effort to maintain through life’s inevitable changes.
To put it plainly, a friend is a confidant. A friend is a trustworthy individual with whom you share a mutual affection, typically without any romantic or sexual implications. College is arguably one of the most significant lifestyle changes that a young person can experience before the age of 25. College is uncharted territory and with it comes personal growth.
In high school, people often tend to run with the same crowd and gain a sense of comfort through a predictable routine. In college, students get the opportunity to reinvent themselves completely if they choose. They can change their hairstyles, wardrobes, music tastes and even the politics they consciously align with. In essence, they can become whoever they want.
This period of self-discovery often leads to a shift in the company someone keeps. It is easy to cultivate a new version of yourself and expect your friends to evolve in the same direction. Not only is this mindset naive, but it overlooks the realities of life. It is important to recognize that just because you are friends for this season, that doesn’t guarantee your changing lives won’t strain your bond. Clear, honest communication can address these changes or signal the natural end to one of life’s many chapters.
Many young adults struggle with communication beyond the surface level. Tackling what motivates them and what they seek in a friendship can be an extremely daunting task. People tend to over-apologize when they’ve done nothing wrong or hold back strong emotions for fear of seeming disagreeable or difficult, causing their friends to view them in a negative light.
It’s a common misconception that strong communication skills are inherent to individuals. This simply isn’t true. In reality, communication skills are developed, not assigned at birth. The National Library of Medicine describes it this way: “Communication skills are not just a personal trait; they are a series of modifiable skills that can be developed so that the individual becomes a better communicator.”
If you never express how something makes you feel to your closest connections, those unspoken emotions can quickly turn into feelings of resentment and disconnection. Simple phrases like “This upset me because…” or “Could we talk about (X)?” can start those difficult yet necessary conversations needed to keep close friendships. Not being afraid to be yourself unapologetically with your friends fosters a strong sense of self and community.
In long-term friendships, both the best and worst qualities of a person are revealed. Friends lean on each other in tumultuous times and cheer one another on in their achievements. These relationships seemingly stand the test of time, proving a sense of security. But even this security can change in an instant. For college students, lives can shift dramatically from semester to semester. New classes, jobs, changing housing situations and meeting new people all contribute to the dynamics of a friendship.
The phenomenon known as closeness-communication bias suggests that people have an unconscious tendency to tune out the people closest to them because they feel like they already know what they are going to say. This is a human tendency: we believe that we know everything about the people we love. Because of the close connection felt, people often prioritize routine over new revelations.
What we fail to realize is that this slowly erodes the foundation of a friendship. To grow together, both speaking and listening are essential. Acknowledging our own personal development as well as that of our friends is key. The capstone of a long-lasting and strong friendship isn’t just a mutual understanding but a willingness to listen, learn and accept each other through life’s phases.
Jenell Taylor is a sophomore studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Jenell know by tweeting emailing her at jt563822@ohio.edu
