Today’s dating scene is plagued by meaningless sex, superficiality and romantic connections which lack commitment or labels – commonly referred to as “situationships.” Having a “roster” of readily available hookups is the norm and takes precedence over building real relationships with others.
This lifestyle often plays out in an “every man for himself” mentality, where to protect your own heart, you must put others on the line. Mind games have become survival instincts, but it should not be that way — it certainly should not be the standard. We rarely pause to consider just how damaging these tactics can be for the victims of them.
“Breadcrumbing” is one of the most common examples of these mind games; someone gives just enough attention or affection, such as sporadic texts or flirtatious comments, to keep the receiver interested. However, the breadcrumbs will never become a loaf. The person dropping them has no intention of building a real relationship and instead strings the other person along, keeping them around only when it suits them.
Other examples of mind games include “ghosting,” when someone abruptly cuts off all communication, and “love-bombing,” when intense, overwhelming affection is given for a short period only to be suddenly withdrawn. These tactics leave the people on the receiving end of them in a constant state of uncertainty and self-doubt. They are far from harmless side effects of the current dating scene; they are forms of psychological control which prey on someone’s vulnerability and leave deep, long-lasting scars.
Such games are more than just frustrating, they are emotionally abusive. Especially in a “situationship,” when the mind games are fickle yet recurring, they create a pattern of emotional highs and lows consistent with the early warning signs of emotional abuse in a relationship. The constant cycle of anticipation and disappointment causes a reliance on the perpetrator’s approval, and over time, this rollercoaster can be deeply damaging. Each moment of attention serves as a dopamine hit, leaving the recipient craving more, thus creating an unequal system of dependency and emotional attachment.
Much like more widely recognized forms of emotional abuse, mind games can distort a person’s perception of what a healthy relationship should look like. In chasing these give-and-take dynamics, people in these situations may start to believe that love should feel uncertain, or that peaceful, uneventful relationships lack passion and chemistry. They become conditioned to associate romance with pain and confusion. The line between love and manipulation is blurred, and victims may also become more susceptible to future abuse.
People seem to increasingly value quantity over quality, which is a disturbing mindset to have when it comes to relationships; people are seriously hurting one another because of it. Not only that, but they are also depriving themselves of the opportunity to experience real connections. It is necessary to reject the normalization of mind games as a trait of dating culture and instead recognize them for what they are: calculated forms of emotional abuse.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
