Shivers run down your spine. You break out in a cold sweat. The screams of the damned echo throughout your brain. A ghoulish chill envelops your body. There are only three words that can evoke this feeling in someone.
“Did you cum?”
Many people, especially women, have been subjected to this horrific question after a mediocre one-night stand or during the blossoming of a friends-with-benefits relationship, and most of the time the answer is “no.” While it isn’t always possible to tell if a woman is having an orgasm, a majority of the time she will give you some sort of sign that she is about to cum. Whether that be saying it outright, moaning louder, tensing up or a whole host of other bodily and verbal cues, most women want their partner to know that they are making them orgasm.
In a study done by Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, results showed that only 21-30% of women orgasm during unassisted intercourse, which means just penetration is occurring. In a 2010 study done by the Journal of Sex Research, 67% of women admitted to faking an orgasm at least once. It is pretty easy for a woman to fake it, as proven by Sally in the classic rom-com “When Harry Met Sally.” It is also much easier for women to fake it because there is not an obvious physical response in the same way that there is for men (i.e. ejaculation).
To put it simply, women are faking orgasms a lot during sexual activity. This should not be the case. While not orgasming doesn’t mean the sex was bad, orgasming is certainly a bonus. From personal experience, the men that I have been with almost always expected to orgasm, and I was typically not afforded that same expectation. Women deserve fulfilling sex just as much as men do, so I think they should stop faking orgasms.
There are many negatives to faking an orgasm, especially when it’s with someone you are repeatedly having sex with. First and foremost, it is giving false positive reinforcement to your partner. If your partner thinks you are orgasming, they are going to continue to do the same thing that isn’t actually making you orgasm. Even though you may be putting on an Oscar-winning performance in bed, consistently faking orgasms can wear you down mentally and make you question if you will ever be able to achieve a real orgasm.
My best advice? If you feel comfortable enough with someone to be having sex with them repeatedly, you should feel comfortable enough to have a conversation with them about what makes you feel good. Yes, even if you are not officially “dating” this person, you should have a conversation like this with them. It can seem awkward at first but is beneficial in the long run. Even saying simple things like, “I like when you touch my clitoris during sex, you should do more of that,” or “I like when you eat me out, and I think that is something we could do more often,” can lead your partner in the right direction. If you feel very comfortable, you can guide your partner on what to do during the act itself.
I luckily have only had to fake an orgasm a couple of times, and I never have to with my current long-term partner. However, it took a lot of conversation and trial and error to get to a point where I was consistently satisfied during sex. I am glad I never chose to fake it because, frankly, I am now able to orgasm pretty frequently during sex. Of course, I have also lucked out by having a partner who values my pleasure as much as his own. At the end of the day, faking orgasms isn’t the way to go, so find someone who wants to put in the effort to make you cum!
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
