There is a new “Super Mario” game on the way, so I figured I’d give my thoughts and opinions on that scrappy little guy, Mario Mario. No, you are not reading a typo, Mario’s full name was announced to be Mario Mario. Does that mean Luigi’s full name is Luigi Mario? I don’t know, but I don't think this was really thought out. Justice for younger brothers.
Outfit
I’m all for signature outfits. In fact, I think we should implement them into society more and, boy, does Mario get it. I think Mario is a style god; it’s very bold to wear a hat every day and only handsome people can pull it off. Mario also took it one step further and put his own name on the hat, and boy did it pay off. When you think plumber, you think of a dirty guy whose pants are falling off. Mario strays from this stereotype—he has the coolest overalls out there so his pants never fall off.
Not only does Mario have the most iconic outfit, but also the most iconic facial hair. My only problem is that I can’t really pull off his look because I have never grown facial hair in my almost 19 years of life. One day it will happen though, and I’m going to have the sexiest Mario-style stache out there.
The Games
I was never a die-hard Nintendo guy like many other people my age, so I don't really have nostalgia for Mario; however, I am a menace at “Mario Kart.” I had no experience with any other type of “Mario” games so I thought I’d give them a chance. Although I find the originals fun, I much prefer the 3D “Mario” games compared to the original 2D ones. I’m a man who gets tired of 2D platform games fast, so I love the 3D “Mario” games.
The “Mario” games are quite simple. Typically, they start out with Mario shooting his shot with Princess Peach and then Bowser gets angry and kidnaps her. Mario then has to fight Bowser and take him down. Being the simple guy that I am, I love a good story and I can win boss fights all day.
Additionally, most guys would give up if an evil monster snatched up their girlfriend, but not my boy Mario. If you lay a finger on his girl, he will take you down. Bowser took his girlfriend hostage in a whole other galaxy and Mario jumped from galaxy to galaxy just to beat him up.
Brothers
Mario and Luigi are such best friend brothers that they not only wear matching uniforms every day but also live together, have a plumbing business and fight monsters together. That is love and brotherhood in its truest form. The only duo of brothers better than Mario and Luigi is my brother, the writer of Obert Opines, and I.
Incorporating it into my own life
Since learning all this new information about my hero Mario, I’m going to start taking some notes from him. First off, from here on out I expect everyone to refer to me as Super Daniel. I will also be forcing my brother to dress in coordinating outfits, and we will call ourselves "The Super Gorbett Bros." Next, my brother and I will have a catchphrase. Because we are legendary writers, our phrase will be, “Mama Mia, it’s-a writing time!”
The only problem I have is that I don't have a nemesis to be my Bowser yet, so if anyone wants to volunteer email me, please.
Daniel Gorbett is a freshman at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Daniel know by emailing him at dg371822@ohio.edu.
