I have always been a dominant force in life, including in the bedroom. I have always thrived on the power I feel pleasuring a guy during sex. I get power trips knowing I give the best blowjobs.
However, I recently learned a new role that I get power from: being a pillow princess.
It may come as a shock that a “dom” can so easily be converted to a “sub” based on one sexual partner. Learning a new sexual routine with a partner took me a minute to process. Nevertheless, I feel empowered by being taken care of.
For instance, I feel invigorated when a man wants to make sure I’m pleased above his own needs. A man going down on me, ready to make me cum solely from foreplay, is one of the sexiest things that he can do.
I also gain confidence when being complimented during sex, but not for an actual sex act. I like being complimented for the way I moan or what I feel like to a guy over how well I can give a blowjob. It makes me feel even sexier than I would from pleasuring a guy myself.
Being a pillow princess does not have to be boring, and it does not mean having vanilla sex — it is the complete opposite. Having a partner tell you exactly what to do (consensually, of course) and not constantly thinking about your next move is super exciting. I get turned on thinking about what my partner will do next.
For anyone looking to try it out, have a talk with your partner about what you are comfortable with before having sex. Set a few positions you feel safe being put into if you trust your partner. If you don’t like it at the moment, you can always change your mind and ask to stop.
Another plus of being a pillow princess is finding new ways to turn a guy on without actually performing a sexual act. For example, if I’m having missionary sex, I tend to scratch a guy’s back or play with his hair. Little details can turn a guy on while you are still the center of attention.
Additionally, I don’t like to just lay in bed like a sack of potatoes. I like to move with my partner. For example, if I’m lying on my side during sex, I like to arch my back with my partner. It relieves the potential awkwardness of not actively moving and makes the sex that much better.
Finally, adding some dialogue while having sex can still give you the dominance many women still need. I hate having conversations or having a guy announce what he’s going to do to me before actually doing it, but I do like telling my partner how I feel in the moment. Your partner definitely won’t be able to stay silent about that.
Some people need to be on top in the bedroom, both emotionally and physically. However, I have learned how to do it in another way. At the end of the day, a pillow princess is still being put as the priority and getting what she wants. In a way, being submissive can make you feel just as dominant.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
