Group sex can be a daunting challenge. Just the thought can be intimidating, not to mention the initiation and planning. Fear no longer, dear BedPost reader, as I'm here to help you through each step.
What I have found from my myriad of group sex experiences is that it works best if you are already in a relationship. It allows you to be truly comfortable with at least one person, and the people joining you will appreciate the pre-established dynamic. It also cuts down some of the planning because that is one less person you have to initiate the "Do you want to be in an orgy with me?" conversation with. That is not to say you are free from communicating this desire with your partner. However, chances are that if you've been dating for some time, you have at least mentioned the idea of group sex. Also, the two of you don't have to be "dating." This pre-established relationship can be friends with benefits, a regularly scheduled 2 a.m. hookup or any partnership.
When approaching your partner, you want to make it clear that you are looking to expand on your current sex life, not that this desire came from a place of boredom. Make this an opportunity for both of you to explore yourselves, each other and others sexually. You can even start the question with an innocuous hypothetical, like, "If we were to have a threesome, who would you pick?" They may say a celebrity, in which case you will have to specify either that you mean someone they know in real life or you can think of someone who looks like that celebrity.
If you are a person who loves to plan, then narrowing down additional partner(s) is the way to go. But, if you're spontaneous like me, the spur of the moment will be your best friend. My best group sex encounters have been with people I met randomly at bars or parties with my partner. I attribute this largely to the lack of nerves around having a scheduled time and the ability to go with the flow and not overthink it.
Anyone who knows me knows that I don't use protection. Is it risky? Sure, but it has also taken a lot of pressure off of my group sex experiences. I'm not stressing about having a condom or a dental dam on hand because I don't use those in single-partner sex either. But, this does come with the additional risk of not knowing the status of whomever you choose to join your orgy, so be mindful.
If you're the aforementioned planning type, keeping protection with you (in your purse, wallet, pocket, bra, whatever) may be best. If you're more my style and prefer to be spontaneous, but you still want to use protection, you should also keep it on hand. But if you happen to bring protection to an outing and don't end up being part of group sex, don't worry! There's always next time.
This brings me to my next point: let go of the pressure you feel. Yes, group sex can be a really scary thing to even think about. But remember, if this is what you want to explore, you are free to experiment. Chances are that whoever is joining you also hasn't done this before, but if they have, they can show you the ropes! Put your pleasure and exploration first, and let your instincts guide you rather than your nerves.
Orgies are many people's fantasy, but most are too scared to admit that out loud, let alone initiate it. I was nervous my first few times as well, but after I learned to put my needs and desires first, I became confident in initiating and taking part. It can take some time and practice, but I promise you it's not as scary as it seems. I hope that you will be inspired to act on all your wildest desires. Happy orgying!
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
