Being intimate with your partner can mean anything from a crescendo of energy to something that’s light and gentle. Regardless of the type of sex you’re having, it’s important to factor aftercare into you and your partner’s intimate relationship.
Aftercare can be expressed in many different ways depending on what you and your partner agree upon. It comes out in some form of attention given to your partner to care for any emotional or physical needs after sex. Although aftercare is often associated with BDSM, taking care of your partner can help decrease feelings of detachment after intercourse. Other feelings that may occur include frustration, vulnerability or postcoital dysphoria (feelings of sadness) following sex.
How you practice aftercare is completely up to you and your partner, but there’s many common practices when it comes to keeping the intimacy going after sex. Cuddling is a commonly practiced form of aftercare as it can generate feelings of being loved and cared for after being so vulnerable. Sensual touching such as a gentle arm touch or tucking hair behind an ear are subtle gestures that can show your partner that you care about their comfort.
Another important aspect of aftercare is communicating with your partner what went well and what didn’t. Expressing your feelings afterwards may lead to an open conversation and reveal that your partner shares or sympathizes with what you’re experiencing. Plus, they are the one other person you shared the experience with and can understand it the most. More than likely, your feelings are shared and they can validate them.
If discussing the experience isn’t something that brings you comfort, then talk about something else. The beauty of aftercare is it can be customized to fit you and your partner's needs whether it’s talking about what your plans are for the next day or sharing a joke. Don’t be afraid to express what your needs are to ensure you’re emotionally and physically OK.
Often aftercare is associated with BDSM activities, and if this is the case for you and your partner, it’s extra important to check in and see where they are at. If any injuries were sustained during certain BDSM activities, be sure to take care of them appropriately. Don’t leave your partner in pain after they give themselves to you or are vulnerable.
Showering with your partner can be another way to take care of each other after having intercourse. It’s inevitable that sex gets messy, so its important to clean yourselves up afterwards and showering together can be a great way to be together naked in a nonsexual circumstance. Regardless, washing genitals after sex is important to avoid infections or possible spread of disease.
Activities as mundane as eating a snack, watching a show or taking a nap post-intercourse are all forms of aftercare that can express to your partner that you still want to spend time with them. This way, you can build a stronger relationship not only in the bedroom but also outside of it.
If you’ve been having sex without the aftercare, consider integrating some of these activities into your post-intercourse routine to strengthen your bond with your partner.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
