Once you get to college, there’s an unspoken pressure to spend your college years looking for romantic relationships like the ones in movies and on television. It can certainly be fun, and even healthy, to romanticize your life in that way. But, it’s an easy way to get let down if you don’t fit into the societal beauty standard.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s very important to have standards and to know that you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and care if you’re looking for something long-term or just a hookup — that much is the bare minimum. However, it’s easy to feel tempted to settle for less just to say you’re in a relationship due to constantly comparing yourself to others. Often, you may find yourself watching people swarm to others who may as well have Barbie dolls modeled after them. The question of why it’s so easy for them to have just about anyone they want can quickly turn into questioning your own looks.
From personal experience, I felt like there was pressure to download at least one dating app once I was on campus. Was it fun? Yes, for a little while, but the moment I realized I was basing my self-worth on how many people thought I was or wasn’t attractive enough, I deactivated my account and deleted the app. I shouldn’t have let something so superficial motivate me to pick apart my favorite photos of myself, but I still thought about how easy it seemed for others that don’t look like me to go on dates and get into relationships.
I can think back as far back as middle school and find memories of feeling like I wasn’t good enough for someone to even look my way, let alone have feelings for me. By the time I found myself in a situationship in which someone liked me back, I realized that those doubts didn’t go away because I subconsciously felt like there would be someone more attractive that they would rather be with. Even after working through those doubts and realizing that I am perfectly enough for the right person, college brought in those doubts in a different form. It sucks to mentally go back and forth about how much you’d like to have someone come up to you solely because they think you’re attractive while also wanting someone to find you attractive because of who you are as a person.
Don’t worry, I didn’t forget that BedPost is an advice column. While I very much am still working through my intrusive, doubtful thoughts, I think it gives me a particularly nuanced perspective. If you’re feeling less than in comparison to others’ looks, please do not take your frustrations out on them. As Lady Gaga once said, they were born that way and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that. Instead, take enormous amounts of pride in the person you are in this moment. The things at the core of who you are will be the most attractive things to the person you’re meant to be with.
You do not need to change anything about yourself just so someone will like you. Creating a false version of yourself benefits no one and is not worth sacrificing your mental and/or physical health over. Prioritize taking care of yourself and loving who you are because you will never be able to fully love someone else if you don’t love yourself first. Lean into that and know your worth because you deserve to have someone be obsessed with all of you, not just what you look like.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
