There’s an abundance of things college students dread: exams, homework, class and a bad hangover. But if there’s one thing reigning among all, it’s commitment — commitment in every way possible, like to a job or an assignment. However, this isn’t about students’ lack of care for school or work: it’s about their lack of care for committing to relationships.
Commitment can be a scary word for many, especially for those who love to be free-spirited. Besides, college is a time of independence and liberation, not a time for a great love story. I don’t think the love of anyone’s life will be in Red Brick Tavern on any given night. However, that’s the beauty of college: it’s a time for meeting new people and trying new things.
Relationships can tie people down. That’s why “pseudo-relationships” might be people’s best bet.
What is a “pseudo-relationship?” It’s going on dates, hooking up, spending the night and being completely obsessed with each other without the daunting idea of dating or feelings.
These types of relationships may not be commitment, but they are complicated. There’s a fine line between keeping the relationship intimate without making the relationship too intimate. It’s important to establish boundaries and establish them fast. Making sure there are set parameters is of utmost importance. I wouldn’t want my hookup thinking I’m taking them to my next family dinner, but I still expect them to take me out to dinner.
Things to avoid: holding hands and forehead kisses. Holding hands and forehead kisses may be two of the most intimate forms of affection, so proceed with caution. These forms of affection can be confusing and misleading for many, so make sure to eliminate any confusion by not doing it at all or making it clear that it’s only for the bedroom.
Another thing to remember is public display of affection, or PDA, because it’s case-by-case for pseudo relationships. It all dwindles down to one question: can other people know?
Establishing whether or not to keep the relationship under wraps is where things could become messy — it just depends when deciding between seeing this person for a night or spending every night at their place.
Communication is once again deemed key when it comes to these types of relationships. Boundaries need to be established, like “is seeing other people an option”, or “is this something we tell our coworkers?” Being open and honest will help preserve feelings and help avoid any heartbreak when the relationship ends.
With that, being exclusive without being exclusive can be confusing in the eyes of other people, but that’s what makes it fun. It’s fun being able to sneak around with your pseudo-partner while having the open opportunity to not feel tied down.
However, if feelings are caught — “feelings” as in the type that are uncontrollable and cause jealousy — good luck. Unfortunately, there’s no solid advice on how to avoid these feelings, only to remember why the relationship started in the first place: to have fun.
If the feelings are something both parties want to pursue, have at it, and start a relationship. If only one person has feelings, strap in for a roller coaster of emotions. There is only one thing that should be expected when no feelings are being felt: let them down easily.
Being exclusive without being exclusive is not for everyone, but it can be fun and freeing. Despite the negative possibilities, this view on relationships may be a new obsession. Maybe it’s time to give Red Brick Tavern a try and find a new endeavor.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
