Breakups suck.
Heartbreaks are one of the worst parts of life. When you lose the person you imagined yourself spending forever with, it feels like a part of you dies. Anyone who has gone through a nasty breakup knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Usually, breakups can teach us important lessons, though. When it’s all said and done, we take a step back from the relationship and figure out what we liked and what we didn’t like about it. We may notice ways that we acted we want to correct so as to not bring that into the next relationship. After every breakup, we come away from it a better person and, eventually, we will be ready to try again.
But what if the partner we ended things with does the same? What if they also recognize what went wrong and want to make themselves better for the next time around? Can two people who loved each other, and then ended things, get back together? How do we know if it will work or not?
Lots of questions, lots of uncertainty. It’s hard to know if you can trust this person again. It’s hard to know if they are even the same person you fell in love with in the first place. Even harder is risking rejection and finding the vulnerability in yourself to start that conversation.
Here are some tips in case you find yourself in the position where you think getting back with your ex is the right choice for you:
Give it time
You don’t want to find your way back to each other out of boredom or loneliness. Wait a long enough time that you are able to differentiate the feeling of missing that person and simply missing having someone around. Two weeks is probably not long enough to figure that feeling out.
Set goals
One of your biggest holdbacks is probably the thought that the problems that caused the breakup in the first place will keep coming back up. Work together to figure out what went wrong the last time and how you are going to overcome that issue this time around. Making a list of things that bothered you and presenting them to each other in a judgment-free way is a great way to do this. Figure out how you can work together to make this relationship a better one.
Take it slow
Don’t make it official right away. Start things with dates: hang out in public. As hard as it may be, keep it out of the bedroom until you are both sure that this is about your relationship and not what goes down in there. Throwing sex into the mix of an already difficult and confusing situation will only make things that much harder.
Accept that it might not go the way you plan
They may say no, and that’s something you have to accept going into things. If the fear of rejection is the only thing holding you back, you have to think about the possibility of the regret you could be feeling for the rest of your life. If you take this leap, at least you will know that you tried and nothing is on the table.
This isn’t a process that’s easy. It takes a lot of effort on behalf of both parties. If you are hesitant because you feel like they won’t be receptive, maybe they won’t, but if you are thinking about it, they probably are, too.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
