It’s inevitable in a relationship that you’re going to fight at some point. While the fighting itself isn’t a good thing, it’s actually healthy to fight. This may seem crazy, but if you don’t fight how do you grow closer? As much as they suck, fights are going to happen to you or a friend, so when it does how are you going to help them?
It may be their fault, but even so, listen to what they have to say and how they are processing it. While they’re venting to you they’re going to be pretty heated so keep in mind that while they might be saying a lot hateful things that they probably don’t mean it all. Assess the situation and if you can try to get both sides of the story, they may have misheard what the other person said or blown the situation out of the water.
No matter who is in the right or wrong, reassure your friend that you’re on their side because at the end of the day they are your friend – unless they did something, you know, really bad. If you see after a while that the fighting is getting worse and it doesn’t look to be getting better, suggest a break. It may not be what they want to hear but it might be what they need to hear. Through this all if the problem looks to be your friend and not the other person’s fault then bring it to their attention. As a friend you’re there to help them, how can you help them by lying to them? You don’t have to be mean about it but gently bring up some reasons why they could be the problem. Your friend might try to fight you back but just tell them that you’re only doing it because you care. Stick with them, don’t let them get distant and let them know that you’re still going to be there for them.
In the end you can only help out so much, it may hurt to sit back and watch your friend fight with someone they love but it is their relationship. If you get too involved it has the potential to make things worse. You can’t let it take over your life. So you do what you can, offer support and ideas and then move on. If things don’t get better for them, they’re still fighting and it seems like their going to break up, prepare yourself.
A break up can go either one of two ways. In a mutual agreement where both parties feel it’s best to split up or in a messy crazy fight. Whatever ends up happening to them you can head on over to my “Your friend and their breakup” article for some advice on how to help get them through it.
Rachel Laher is an undecided freshman studying at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Want to talk to Rachel? Email her rl218617@ohio.edu.
