Whether you or someone that you know is in one, it’s important to know the signs of a toxic relationship. You don’t need to be an expert on relationships to know that someone is being hurt and not living their life the way they should be. Dating is supposed to be fun and exciting, not full of dread and misery. Although some of the signs can be hard to point out, there are some that everyone should be aware of for their own safety or their friend's safety. People that are in toxic relationships may not always know themselves or may not want to admit it. Helping a friend to admit it could be a major step in getting them out of that relationship. First, you have to know what to look for.
One thing to look for is a mutual avoidance within the relationship — both your friend and their significant other are not spending time together and it doesn’t bother them. This shows that they have grown apart; they need to break it off and be on their own instead of weighing each other down. Even if they are spending time together, if your friend can’t trust their partner while away, then you need to speak up. They may care for each other but not being able to trust each other is a crucial deficit in a relationship. Your bond should be built upon trust and respect. Without either of those, how can you ensure your relationship for more than a week?
Another thing to look for, going along with avoidance, is control. One example is if one person in the relationship is keeping tabs on the other, such as wanting to know where they’re at all the time, who they're hanging out with and what they’re wearing. Wanting to know every little detail at all times, isn’t cute — it’s creepy and unhealthy. If you can’t go out with your friend without them updating their partner every second, just speak up. Tell them that this isn’t a healthy way to live and that control through fear and guilt isn’t love — it’s borderline abuse.
No matter how much your friend may “love” them, that friend needs to remember that they have to put themselves first before anyone else. Sometimes they just need an outside perspective to tell them what they need to hear. Don’t be mean when telling them that you can see problems, but just talk to them and explain what you see. Let them know that maybe they should take some time away and help them to do that. If they do want to stay in the relationship, then it’s not for you to say to break up. Instead, help them figure out what needs fixed. Sit with them, point out what needs changed and who needs to work on what, because it takes two people to be in a toxic relationship.
Rachel Laher is an undecided freshman studying at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Want to talk to Rachel? Email her rl218617@ohio.edu.
