I never jumped on the bandwagon of any of these brow trends. If it was up to me, we would all just let our eyebrows run free with the occasional tweezing. No waxing, no threading, just relaxed, normal eyebrows. However, throughout all of history, this has never been the case. Even ancient Rome had unachievable eyebrow beauty standards, favoring a full, dark, unibrow.
Thus, I have come to accept the world’s obsession with eyebrows despite my desperate pleas. In lieu of writing a rant about all eyebrow adjustments in general, I’ve ranked recent eyebrow trends from bad to worst.
5. Glitter brows
This trend is not completely terrible when done in small doses. I could see wanting glitter brows for festivals, concerts and other events with eccentric clothing involved. What’s best about this trend is that it is ultra temporary as it comes off with a makeup remover wipe.
4. Braided brow
Another brow trend that only requires makeup wipes for a quick removal. The braided brow mostly made the list for one reason — why? Why not just braid the hair on your head for real? What good does it do to also have your eyebrows Quasi-braided? This is a little extra on a regular basis.
3. Feathered or barb-wired brow
The best way to elaborate the unpleasantness that is the feathered or barbed-wire brow is to tell you the secret ingredient that makes them stay feathered — Elmer’s glue. I don’t know about you guys, but putting actual glue on my face sounds very unappealing. It’s sticky, It turns gray when it dries, and it feels like a kindergartener is doing an art project on your face. I get a little weird about using eyelash glue, and that is meant for your face.
2. Squiggle brow
I am sure you’ve seen this bizarre brow trend circling around social media. It is usually paired with a squiggle lip, because why not have twice the horror? This is simply not flattering on anyone, and a perfect example of why less is ultimately more. It honestly makes me go cross-eyed looking at it. The only reason this did not snag the number one spot is because it is not at all permanent, thank goodness.
1. Microblading
If I can stop just one person from microblading, I will have done my “good human” deed for the entire month of October. This is a semi-permanent procedure, meaning you will be stuck with these brows for a while. In my up close and personal experience with them, they just don’t look natural. They almost look too perfect to ever be real. This is a trend that is good in theory, but bad in practice, making it easy to be susceptible to its allure.
The takeaway:
It is so easy to get wrapped up in all of these so called “eyebrow goals” that society has put in front of us. If we are not careful, beauty can become part of a person’s self worth, and we need to put an end to this, starting with leaving our eyebrows the heck alone. You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are accepted, even if your brows are messy (and not in the planned way). Let’s all collectively cast our brow pencils, self waxer and Elmer’s glue sticks I guess, into the sea and never look back.
Zoe Stitzer is a freshman studying journalism news and information at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. What do you do to your eyebrows? Let Zoe know by tweeting her @zoe_stitzer.
