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Marco Omta

The Sarcastic Scoop: Obama cancels election to serve a third term

Disappointed in the potential candidates, President Obama decided to just go for another round.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After big wins for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on March 15 in states like Florida and Illinois and Tuesday in Arizona, President Barack Obama announced that he will not be allowing another president in the White House.

“The likely candidates this year are so bad that I’m just canceling it,” the president told Americans. “There won’t be an election. I’ll just be president again. It’ll be fine. Now, I don’t want to see a Clinton-Trump race, and I don’t think any of you do either. So it’s all fine. The country’s been doing better since I came into office anyway. I’ll just keep it going.”

Informed onstage that this was against the law, he responded into his mic, “I’m the president. It’s fine. I can do it if I want to. Don’t worry, guys.”

His decision has sparked great controversy, with potential candidates responding in various ways.

“I don’t know what to do. Do I keep trying to appeal to the American people?” Clinton said. “Or can I just relax now? I’m tired of constantly changing my opinions to become president, but if this whole cancelation thing isn’t going down, I’ll keep doing it.”

“It’s ridiculous!” Trump said. “Just ridiculous. He’s running this country into the ground. Honestly, I don’t even know if he can run this country for a third term. I don’t think that’s legal. Especially if he wasn’t even born here.”

“I don’t really care,” Marco Rubio said. “I lost Florida. It doesn’t matter anymore. We have to stop pretending that Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing. And we can’t even stop him.”

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“Absolutely ridiculous,” Ted Cruz said. “No president should ever run for a third term unless that president is Ronald Reagan. Completely ridiculous.”

Bernie Sanders continued to talk about the real issues our country is facing, so he said nothing interesting to report.

Marco Omta is a freshman studying music production. Do you want President Obama to serve another term? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.

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