Though the Utah Juvenile Court ruling stating that lesbian parents can’t take care of foster children may be a mistake, here are some court cases that were utter disasters.
On Nov. 10, Utah Juvenile Court Judge Scott Johansen ruled that a foster child could not be raised in a household with two lesbian parents, despite the fact that said lesbian couple had already passed several tests qualifying them to be foster parents and that the lesbian couple were also happily raising two children birthed by a host mother. After four days, Johansen rescinded the court order stating that the child had to be sent to heterosexual foster parents. To honor that decision, let us examine a few other lawsuits that, while not as important, are undeniably and hilariously idiotic.
In 2013, a certain man by the name of Tom Hanks was summoned for jury duty. Although there were fears that Hanks could influence other jury members when the verdict was being decided, he was ultimately allowed to stay and weigh in on a domestic assault case, where the defendant was facing up to a year behind bars.
However, before anything could be decided at all, the whole case was declared a mistrial because one of the lawyers in the Los Angeles City Attorney’s posse was noticed thanking Mr. Hanks for his service. The defense quickly pounced, claiming that the lawyer’s conversation with Hanks potentially influenced the two-time Oscar winner’s decision. The case was ruled a mistrial, and the defendant was allowed to plead guilty to disturbing the peace, getting off with a measly $150 fine.
Hanks isn’t the only celebrity who caused legal troubles, intentional or unintentional. Meet Sluggerrr, the baseball mascot of the Kansas City Royals that resembles a lion that has a hollow misshapen crown for a noggin. Oftentimes, in the middle of games, Sluggerrr would run around throwing hot dogs into the wild crowd. Unfortunately for John Coomer, during a Royals game in 2009 a hot dog ended up plopping heavily into his left eye, detaching his left retina in the process.
Logically, Coomer sued the Kansas City Royals for a large sum of money. After the trial, the jury ruled against Coomer, stating that flying hot dogs were common in games where Sluggerrr and the rest of the Kansas City Royals were present. Since Coomer had previously attended another 175 baseball games with Sluggerrr present, he should have known that hot dogs could potentially detach retinas.
However, Coomer was unwilling to let the ruling stand and sent the case to the Missouri Court of Appeals. The court decided that “the risk of being hit in the face by a hot dog is not a well-known incidental risk of attending a baseball game” and led to the case being reopened. However, Coomer once again lost his case in 2015 and has since decided to stop appealing the decision.
Although both of those cases are relatively recent, courtroom shenanigans extend beyond the 21st century, as is the case with Calvin J. Burdine, a criminal who had been sentenced to death row in 1983 following his conviction for murdering a 50-year-old man.
Despite the relatively smooth trial, Burdine later testified to appellate court that his lawyer, Joe Cannon, was often sleeping during sections of testimony. Three jurors and the court clerk supported Burdine with additional testimony that Cannon was sleeping throughout much of the trial.
In his own defense, Cannon claimed that he concentrates by leaning back and closing his eyes, which clearly wasn’t bought when the appellate court stated that the testimony that Cannon missed was “not insubstantial.” In the end, Burdine was removed from death row and is currently serving a life sentence.
Sometimes, you have to wonder what a judge is thinking about when he’s dealing with some of the above-mentioned nonsense and confusion.
Richard Hwang is a student at Athens High School. Do you know of any wacky courtroom stories? Email him at rhwang999@gmail.com.
