Everyone wants to dress up as him, but just a costume isn’t enough.
NEW YORK, NY — With countless Donald Trump costumes, including “Make America Great Again” hats, Trump toupees and “Sexy Donald Trump” women’s costumes, being found across the Internet and in stores like Wal-Mart, a new store called Trump-O-Ween will be opened across the nation to provide the full selection of Trump-themed Halloween costumes and accessories.
The store will have a full release of different Trump costumes, including Pool Party Trump, Soccer Dad Trump, Border Patrol Trump, “I Love China” Trump and a Trump and Ivanka couple costume set. The costumes, however, are just the beginning. Full-sized mechanical Trumps will be sold to put alongside Pinhead, Jason or Freddy Krueger and are programmed to say things like “Boo! Make America great again!” or simply make his signature squinting duck face as trick-or-treaters pass by.
“Trump-flavored candy” will also be sold at each location.
“It’s bitter,” an associate who asked to remain anonymous told reporters last Monday. “It looks and smells appealing to some people, but then you taste it and it just tastes like regret. I hope people don’t actually fall for it. Don’t buy into it, guys. Really. It’s a waste of valuable time and money.”
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However, hopefuls remain positive about the candy.
“No, it’s true I haven’t tasted it,” local Trump supporter Anna Harrison said in a recent interview. “But it looks really good, and I think people should give it a chance. I mean, candy has tasted good before, so why can’t Trump candy?”
Others remain critical.
“Trump has never been candy before,” local John Barringer said. “I don’t know why people trust him being candy. He’s not fit to be candy.”
Within just two days of releasing plans for the store chain, Trump has already bought it.
“Well, it just felt natural,” Trump said in response to the deal. “I already have hotels named after myself. I’ve got a clothing line. I’ve got a lot of friends who sell Halloween stuff. It’s just like any other business. It’s another notch on the Trump empire.”
Trump has been rumored to have already begun discussing production with partners in China, but he adamantly continues to deny those plans.
“Look, I’m very open about where my stuff is made. I love China. But I think that we need to create jobs here in America," Trump said. "And to create jobs in America, we need jobs in America. We can’t give them all to China. China’s doing great, they can’t have our jobs, too.”
The Trump Halloween store has already received many preorders, along with international support. Trump costumes, candy and animatronics will be shipped throughout the world to other countries such as China, Bangladesh and Mexico, where Trump support runs rampant.
Marco Omta is a freshman studying music production. Would you shop at a Trump-themed store? Email him at mo183714@ohio.edu.
