The BedPost columnist discuss how to have sex during finals week.
How do you find time to have sex during finals week?
It’s easy to look at finals week and think, “I’m going to have no time to do anything but study and write papers with no break.” It can be a daunting-looking week.
It’s not quite that scary, but it can be tough to make time to get it in.
I know it’s heavily frowned upon by the sex-doing population, but it might be time to schedule some boning.
Don’t go to the extent of writing it down in your planner, but carve out a time during an evening and say, “Hey, let’s hang out and if we aren’t too swamped with exams, maybe I can put a part of me in you?”
Then put down the laptop with the tab open to Sparknotes, move from the common area in the library to the seventh floor where there’s no people and start studying balls instead of Spanish art history.
Or, you could do my go-to move, the classic “Eh, just don’t study.”
While you’re not studying, maybe think about doing this next year. Writing about penises and not getting paid to do it. Both Emma and I are relinquishing our duties (heh) and we want someone else to carry our torch.
If you want to keep this column going and record the dumb podcast we started, email Emma. Her email is under her face.
Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post. He’ll miss you all.
Nothing makes my girl-boner more flaccid than trying to get down near or on my geology textbooks. I think that’s supposed to be learning by osmosis, but I just find it to be stressful. At this point in the semester, there is a 98 percent chance I will be flipping notecards with Mesozoic-era terms (I’m really worried about my geology final) behind your back and writing my research papers on your chest. I really have to make notecards. I might be doing that during sex, too.
Some of this could be alleviated with a little bit of planning. For example, if you have a final at 10:10 a.m. (Who chose that time? Seriously?) Tuesday, you’ll be out by 11 a.m. — looks like you’re going to Bonesville for a good 20 minutes before you down five cups of coffee and get back to Alden. You’d usually spend that 20 minutes hyperventilating or checking your note cards directly outside the lecture hall to calculate exactly how badly you did, but orgasm-ing is far more productive. In fact, try using orgasms as some sort of positive reinforcement. Did you just score 100 percent on a practice quiz? Boom, you just won yourself an orgasm. I think that might work.
If you’re wondering what I’ve been thinking about during sex these days — it’s not sex. I’m really stressed, man. I need someone to write these columns and answer these questions, as I’m changing positions (pun intended, if that’s a pun) next year. If you’re interested in becoming Ian, or me, email me. I still use email.
See you all in Alden.
Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and local editor of The Post. Email her about doing this column at eo300813@ohio.edu.
