Ian and Emma discuss how to move from foreplay to the real deal.
How are you supposed to know when you’re done with foreplay and ready to move on to sex?
You’ve stumbled onto one of mankind’s greatest unsolved mysteries. No one really knows how much foreplay is required for adequate coitus. In fact, it’s never the same amount of time or work from case to case.
The only real way to know, or at least get in the right ballpark — and I know I say this all the time — is to communicate. Let your partner know, “Hey, I’m sufficiently horned up, let’s insert.” Maybe don’t use those exact words. That’s my line and I don’t want you sophomores copying me.
The purpose of foreplay, in the strictest sense, is to prepare both partners for a slam sesh. This can mean anything from just getting each other excited to love-make to actually making sure sex is physically possible.
For a woman, wetness is obviously a major factor here. If you end up headed down that highway before enough precipitation has accumulated, the semi can be unable to make it through the tunnel. I think I got lost in the middle of that metaphor but it probably serves its purpose. You probably stopped reading by now anyway and moved on to sex.
If for whatever reason you want to forego some of the early game and get to bone city, water-based lubricant is a good solution. Include any events involving orifices other than the one between the labia, and lube is usually a good move. That’s not so much a foreplay thing as it is just a general sex idea. Use lube whenever and on whatever. It’s good stuff.
The one-sentence version of this column is just let your partner know you’re ready. It’ll be a different time for the two (or however many) of you, but when everyone’s on board, go for it.
Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.
Wouldn’t it be dandy if there were a sufficient way to determine this? If we lived in a world where sexual partners had some sort of agreement when things were at their hottest and heaviest, that they would click their tongue or blink 12 times to let you know it was on?
That’s not the world we live in, though. We live in a world where foreplay can go on for days because two partners are too shy to admit to the other that they’re ready to rocket off to coitus. It’s immensely frustrating when foreplay lasts days, or even months, due to a lack of communication. I’m pretty sure that’s ended a few relationships.
The only true way to get around this dilemma is to look your partner dead in their big, beautiful (or tiny and snake-like) eyes and tell them you’re done with foreplay. Wait for their consent. Level up. Some humans like foreplay far better than the actual sex and might tell you to wait a few more minutes or hours. Others like to skip foreplay all together and get straight to banging. This is something you’ll get to know about your partner over time as you grow more comfortable with them and their sexual preferences — it can take a long time to muster up the courage to prompt a man back down to your nether regions with the gentle knowing that you’re not quite “there” yet. It can take even longer to tell a man that he’s not even that good at handling your genitals and that you might just want to get this over with quickly. That sort of honesty is important. It keeps you from having awful sex, giving or receiving oral sex that nobody seems to enjoy or moving from neck kissin’ and arm rubbin’ (that’s foreplay, right?) to missionary too quickly for comfort.
Don’t be that person. If you just flirt with some healthy discussion before getting down and dirty, you can easily gauge your partner’s sexual needs and get a little back in return.
Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and the local staff editor for The Post.
