If Kevin Miller never had sex again for the rest of his life, he “would be a perfectly happy human being.”
The junior studying philosophy also said his journey coming out as asexual wasn’t easy.
Miller was interested in one of his professors about four years ago, but didn’t seem to have anything more than a crush, or “squish,” a term “aromantics,” or those who lack romantic attraction, use when someone just wants a platonic relationship.
Miller then researched “asexuality” on Wikipedia and it all made sense.
“I looked at it and it was like ‘they don’t experience sexual attraction,’ ” Miller said. “ ‘Wait do I experience sexual attraction? I don’t think I do’ and it was like, oh my gosh, mind blown.”
Ohio University LGBT Center is making asexuality the highlight of its programming this week.
Miller initially questioned whether the LGBT Center was the right place for him in the past, and an acquaintance once wondered if it was a place where he should find support.
“If I can’t be part of the LGBT community, what community am I supposed to be a part of?” Miller asked.
He researched online organizations and resources to help support him in his identity and he looked forward to telling his parents because he thought they would share his excitement.
They had a different reaction.
His parents tried to convince him that he hadn’t met the right person, he might have hormone problems or that he didn’t understand sexual attraction.
But Miller considers himself a “hopeless romantic.”
“People will assume that an asexual person, they just don’t want anything to do with romantic stuff at all,” Miller said. “They equate sex with romance so they assume if an asexual (person) doesn’t experience sexual attraction, they don’t want sex, so they don’t want a romantic relationship. When you’re a romantic asexual, it makes it difficult.”
He said he equates his attraction to looking at art, and he doesn’t, as most people do, translate beauty into a desire for sex.
“I describe to people — aesthetic attraction is like noticing something beautiful, like if you’re listen to a great song you’re like ‘Oh I want to listen to this song for a long time’ or there is this nice painting ... I just want to sit here and stare at it,” he said.
Now, Miller said he is eager to participate in the LGBT Center’s events this week to meet other asexuals and educate others on what it means to identify as such.
The center wants to make sure that asexuality is part of its educational resources and that all individuals feel welcome, said Delfin Bautista, director of the center.
“I’ve had students, just these last couple weeks, come up to me and say that the perception of the LGBT Center previously was that asexuality was not a welcomed identity within the center, similar to a lot of the other identities that felt marginalized,” Bautista said. “... Yes, LGBT is the title, or the name of the center, but we are not limited to just those four letters.”
Nelly Herman, an education coordinator for the center and a senior studying women’s and gender studies, has organized the week’s activities. He doesn’t identify as asexual, but has been gathering perspectives from individuals who identify as asexual to put together a comprehensive week of events.
Herman said he wants to emphasize the importance of consent, especially when a partner might identify as asexual. The topic will be discussed on Wednesday in the “Consent in Ace Spectrum Relationships” workshop.
“We want to be inclusive and share our resources and share a safe space,” Herman said. “So that’s the main goal of doing this as a public event would be to draw people in who might want help.”
Miller said he just wants people to know that those who identify as asexual are normal people.
“With other identities, ... they get pride weeks, but asexuality gets an awareness week,” Miller said. “Over time, I would like to get to the case where once people are aware, asexuality people can come out and be like yeah, we want to show our pride over our asexuality.”
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