Jessica Ensley talks about her own personal sexual assault experience and encourages others to join in the fight against rape culture by marching this Friday
My sexual assault happened the summer going into my sophomore year at Ohio University. I was casually seeing a guy, whom I invited to my house to watch a movie. We started kissing when — like the other times before when I had kissed him — he became aggressive. Every time we had been together he had tried to feel me up and I said no. This time I didn’t. He was so aggressive and persistent regardless of me pushing him away. I was afraid of what he might do if I told him no again.
He then wanted to go further and I said no. He proceeded to take me out into the garage, attempted to push me onto my mother’s car, pulled me into the back seat and when I kept persisting “no,” he tried to coerce me to have sex with him. Again, I made it clear I wasn’t interested.
He became angry very quickly. We went back inside and he gave me a lecture about how I was being stupid because sex “wasn’t a big deal” and “all the girls at his school did it.” At the time, I wasn’t really aware of what was happening. He actually made me feel guilty.
With the lecture he gave me, along with his aggressive and anger fueled actions, I can almost guarantee he has at least attempted to coerce other women into sex, which by definition is rape. By definition, according to Ohio University, “consent cannot be obtained by threat, coercion or force.” He will also never likely face any repercussions for his actions. He is the son of a local pastor in my hometown, a volunteer at the Jewish Community Center and an incredibly attractive choir boy.
For a long time I blamed myself for what happened. I felt violated and used. It has impacted most relationships I’ve been in. However, I did not become a feminist because I was “ruined” by an assault. Instead, being a feminist allowed me to realize that what happened to me was an actual assault, and gave me a support system to lean on.
Vocal, sober consent is the only form of consent. The absence of a “no” is not a “yes”. “No” is not the starting grounds to a negotiation. Being coerced into a sexual act — whether it’s with a stranger, a friend or a loved one — is sexual assault.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, between 20 to 25 percent of women, and 15 percent of men who graduate college will be the victims of sexual assault. Responsibility for an assault needs to be put onto the assaulter, not the assaulted. If you want to take a stand, I hope you’ll join me in the F--kRapeCulture Homecoming March this Friday.
To all the survivors reading this: There are options to get help on this campus at places such as the Survivor Advocacy Program, and they are not mandated reporters. Do not be ashamed. Do not blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault and you are not alone.
Jessica Ensley is a senior studying journalism. Email her at je726810@ohio.edu.
