There are a few phrases I hate more than anything in this world; “make love” is one, “bread isn’t good for you, Kristin” is another and “losing virginity” is definitely up there.
Dear BedPost,
My girlfriend and I are both virgins. We both have talked about losing our virginity to each other but every time we hook up, it never happens. I don’t wanna plan it too much because then it will be weird but I definitely want to do it soon and she seems to too. What do we do?
Dear reader,
There are a few phrases I hate more than anything in this world; “make love” is one, “bread isn’t good for you, Kristin” is another and “losing virginity” is definitely up there.
For as long as there has been coming of age films and purity balls, virginity has been a long-debated, highly-overblown concept. We’ve been spoon-fed since a young age that this is some amazing, terrifying, life-affirming experience that will change literally everything about us.
Speaking from someone who has been there and done that, I felt more “forever changed” by my first Donkey pumpkin chai latte. The idea that you will lose or gain something from “losing your virginity” is a crock of crap. It means as much as you make it mean — so if you want it to be a big deal, make it a big deal, but it’s totally BS to think that you have to make it a big deal or plan it down to the T.
But, at the same time, you’ve gotta make sure you’re both ready for it — that’s a big deal. In all of our musings about virginity, it’s supposed to be this big romantic thing and honestly, it probably won’t be. It’s also gonna probably have to be at least a little planned cuz ya’ll should be purchasing and using contraceptives, yes? Yes.
If neither of you have initiated it, something is probably a little wrong (cold feet, not being ready, a big dinner that night) so it’s gonna require — say it with me — COMMUNICATION.
So like I feel like we say every week, talk to your girlfriend, plan it out a little bit, make sure you’re both 100 percent groovy with it and realize that it’s NOT that big of a deal unless you want it to be.
And if you tell me your address, I will bring you a “congratulations on the sex” cake. Pinky swear.
Kristin is a senior studying journalism and a slot editor at The Post.
This is the last time you’ll truly disappoint your mother, reader. After this, her expectations for you will plummet and nothing will really be that much of a bummer to her. Once your V-card has been punched you can rob a bank and kidnap a baby and Mom’s response will just be “I saw that coming. I mean, he has sex now.”
When you divorce yourself from your parents’ love, losing your virginity is a pretty big deal. It’s easy for those who have been love making for years to say, “Eh, sex isn’t that serious. I do it all the time.” But that first penetration can be worry-inducing.
If it hasn’t happened already, don’t be surprised if your peener doesn’t kick into gear. You might have to try a couple times before you can finally make it happen. It happens plenty because it’s really natural to be nervous about that first performance. I mean, it’s a test you really can’t study for. You have no idea if you’re going to be good or not. What if you blow it too soon and disappoint your partner? What if your member is smaller than you thought it was and the sex is no good? What if your mom is hiding in the closet, poised to express her vast sadness at acknowledging her little boy is now penetrating people?
All this is almost certainly going through your mind when the time to enter is nigh, and although it’s tough to do so, you need to do your best to not think about it. Because none of it probably matters.
If you and your girlfriend are happy in your relationship to the point that you’re both giving up your virginities to each other, odds are your better half is just as nervous about performing as you are and won’t care about how well you give her that D.
The first time is going to be bad. You have the rest of your life to get good at sex. On that first night, just relax and know she doesn’t care how terrible you are at it. For now, it’s just about sharing something with someone, and it’s one of the only nice things left in this world so cherish it.
Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.
