Field house TP’d
One student was arrested outside The Waldo Fieldhouse Monday after covering the building in toilet paper. “It looked like (excrement) anyway,” the student said when asked about the motives for his mischief. “The toilet paper was all it was missing.”
OHIO Guarantee details
Administrators recently clarified the OHIO Guarantee does not assure students a spot in the Baker Center
parking garage.
Weldine to return to hole
Ohio’s attorney general has announced plans to oblige suspended Athens County sheriff’s request to “stay out of Athens County” and “crawl back in his friggin’ hole.”
Ping smoothie bar grand opening
Students during the weekend celebrated the grand opening of the long-promised Ping Smoothie Bar. Said one student in attendance: “Oh, that’s pretty neat, I guess.”
Did you feel it?
A major earthquake with an astronomical magnitude of 3 rattled Athens to its core yesterday, leaving puddles rippling and residents momentarily confused.
Former student leader confesses “It was all a performance art peice.”
A disgraced student government leader recently announced that he will be concluding his Joaquin Phoenix-esque performance art piece. He will return to campus to take his final bow before commencement next month.
Bowl brings Beef
New evidence has surfaced indicating a vegetarian football player was suspended from the Bobcats football team after he refused to play in Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl. Athletics refused to comment on the player’s suspension. Frank Furter, the player in question, told
The Pest he had been proud to represent Ohio for the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl but could not support a game “so obviously in support of the consumption of meat.”
