I don’t mean to sound all Glinda the Good Witch, but you can all come out now!
No, the Wicked Witch is not gone. Speaking metaphorically, she will still be here until that man who stands on the sidewalk yelling about the Bible and makes us all love well-placed crosswalks decides he’s barking up the wrong sin-loving tree. But Student Senate elections are over, and somehow I think Frank Baum had politicians and campaigns in mind when he wrote about all of the munchkins fleeing and hiding until everything was over.
Even though I will be graduating before the next round of elections, I would like to informally put in my vote for some more single-word ticket name ideas. Since I have seen “RSVP,” “FACE,” “Reach,” “yOU,” “Voice” and “FUSS” so far in college, I just dumped a few in the old thesaurus to come up with suggestions for next year: Looks like it might be a toss-up between “Fret” and “Extend.”
Now won’t those look good on a T-shirt?
So yes, it’s safe now. Twice in one school year, students have endured a lengthy, grueling and exhausting campaign season. The first time when the 2012 presidential election came around, it was lots of golf carts, bumper stickers, megaphones and heartstring-pulling anecdotes. This time around, it was a lot of purple, a lot more orange, candy, popsicles and sidewalk chalk.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, with no effort on our part, for just a few weeks, we have left the world of academia and have been transported to something that is hard to distinguish from a Katy Perry music video, our first day of kindergarten and an Oprah giveaway episode.
Apparently, political scientists have just reported that the way to any adult’s heart is by way of free crap. “Take a popsicle. Here, have a lollipop. Take my kidney! For the love of student government, vote for me!”
Wait, come back! I forgot to tell you that like you, I would rather pay less tuition than more tuition! You won’t find any other student who agrees!
Thanks to this recent Student Senate election, I now have two free kidneys and about 67 Dum-Dum suckers. Take that Oprah, I don’t need your gourmet popcorn or your fancy BMWs.
Don’t get me wrong, I love politics. I’m even in the political communications certificate program. Heck, I even give a lot of props to those students who are ambitious enough to go through the process. In fact, maybe it’s because I study politics so heavily that I become a bit agitated that electioneering for student-run government has reduced to look like those kids on televised beauty pageants whose parents buy them puppies so they will behave the way they want them to.
Yes, I will absolutely take that puppy. But you can be sure that when the time comes, I’ll just throw a tantrum on stage, or worse, vote for the other candidate.
Jackie Runion is a junior studying journalism at Ohio University and a columnist for The Post. Are you glad Student Senate elections are over? Email Jackie at jr178409@ohiou.edu.
