I’ve heard the phrase “bracket buster” for years, but it’s always flown over my head, along with terms of equally small importance to me: Carnivore. Pumpkin. Beer. Sense of direction. Tournaments. Who cares? I don’t have any interest in that stuff.
On Thursday, though, “bracket buster” became a reality for me. Alongside my somewhat-more-sports-savvy friends, I filled out an ESPN bracket and selected the teams I decided would win. The numbers next to each team name meant nothing to me. And I found the fact that ESPN offered a “game predictor” for each matchup nothing short of morally repugnant — why would I cheat in selecting my winner?
No, I completed my bracket using much more advanced techniques. If a college was in a state I’d lived in, it got a victory. Did that state have sunflowers? Two victories. And if I could connect the university with elephants in some way, all bets were off.
Such was the process that led me to select Valparaiso as my national champion. Why? It had the coolest name.
By a stroke of luck (I never watch basketball), I happened to be parked in front of a TV during the second half of the Valparaiso-Michigan State game Thursday.
I breathlessly observed my team of choice, which was about 20 points behind when I started watching, slowly claw its way up. Michigan State kept scoring, too, but I wasn’t worried. Some quick math indicated that if Valparaiso just scored one three-pointer per minute — and kept Michigan State from scoring for the rest of the game — then all would be well.
I decided this wasn’t too tall an order for the team to whom I’d pledged my trust. Just in case, I picked a hero — senior guard Erik Buggs, whose tattooed arms ended up scoring 14 points for Valparaiso. I just knew he’d carry the team to victory.
As the clock counted down, Valparaiso did score more — but so did Michigan State, the jerks. There was one minute left and the gap still existed, but I didn’t lose faith. Rather, I continued yelling at the screen and screaming every time Valparaiso scored (apologies to those who were watching with me).
In the end, despite an incredibly valiant effort, Valparaiso lost by 11 points. I felt numb as I stared at the screen — they had so much promise! The ball went through the hoop so many times! I didn’t understand.
After I got over my tears, though, I realized the ramifications of this heartbreaking loss — my bracket was busted. According to the same friends who’d thought all along that my team would lose, “busting your bracket” this early in the tournament was a truly impressive feat.
I’m not worried, though — I’m expecting some paragon of basketball fairness to figure out that Valparaiso’s foe cheated in some fashion so that my team will get another chance. Then, of course, they’ll beat every team they face until they end up right in the middle of my bracket, in that special “winner” rectangle. Assuming anything else would be silly.
Rebecca McKinsey is the managing editor of The Post. Email her at rm279109@ohiou.edu.
