Women aren’t funny.
Ladies, we really need to stop kidding ourselves here. No matter how many Tina Feys and Amy Poehlers pop up, we really need to take a step back and realize that we, as a sex, just aren’t that humorous. I mean, at this point it’s even sad that we’re trying to convince anyone that we’re comical in any sense of the word.
Five years ago, when Christopher Hitchens wrote an article in Vanity Fair titled “Why Women Aren’t Funny,” I was sure the debate would finally be over. Women, he pointed out, are just more focused on the romantic aspect of life and want everything to be peaceful and lovely. We have “tender hearts,” he said, and we are “partly ruled by the moon and the tides,” and, well, comedy, after all, “is a sign of intelligence.” Female comedians, as he rightly points out, are mostly “hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three.”
Finally, someone had laid it all out, and though some of the big words had me scratching my head, I muddled my way through it and came to understand just why my sex is so unfunny. I mean, the odds are stacked against us, ladies, and we should really just accept defeat: Men are hilariously riotous, and we’re trapped in an emotional roller coaster dream world of sorts.
Tina Fey’s autobiographical comedy book Bossypants might have topped The New York Times’ Best Seller List for five weeks upon its release, but that was really just a fluke. Her stint as head writer for Saturday Night Live and her show 30 Rock’s success were mostly just luck. Lorne Michaels keeps adding more female cast members to Saturday Night Live simply to get people off his back, not because any of them are actually funny. And the increasing number of comedy sitcoms starring women? Again, it’s all simply to get people to stop complaining about this “sexism” thing. It’s only because men are forced to pull our names out of their binders every time corporate comes a-knockin’ that any female comedians exist; otherwise, most of us would probably still be in the kitchen where we belong.
Because we simply aren’t funny. We try, but we just can’t compete with the comedy genius of men, no matter how hard we work at it. Let’s be honest: The only time we are really funny is when we do ridiculous things like play a doctor or a lawyer — and even then those sketches are written by men.
And so, this is my plea to you, fellow women of the world: Just stop trying to be so funny. It’s cute the way we fought to prove our wit and humor; frankly, it was downright adorable. But it’s gone on long enough now. Our male counterparts simply shouldn’t have to put up with just how ridiculously unfunny we are, so let’s get out of their way.
Plus, they’re probably getting pretty hungry, and those sandwiches won’t make themselves.
Nicolien Buholzer is the culture editor of The Post. Do you think women are unfunny? Email her at nb360409@ohiou.edu.
