Every society has laws to live by and rules to follow, whether those laws are created through religion, government, tribe leaders or whatever the case.
But there is also a set of unspoken rules in each society, a list of things considered decent and indecent, polite and impolite.
There should be a new rule that all of those unspoken rules should be carved into stone to help out the completely unaware, and should go as follows in France:
Rule number one: Wearing shorts in the USA is generally OK when it is hot out, so if it is above 65 degrees, people generally just go for it. This rule does not exist in France.
My friend learned this the hard way this past weekend when walking on a warm, sunny day along a pier in Marseille. She single-handedly drew the attention of every man in the Vieux Port in a matter of 15 minutes.
To point out how odd this phenomenon was to our group, it is also necessary for you to know that there is nothing unusual about wearing a dress, and that also while in Marseille we saw an unhealthy number of old men in Speedos and a handful of women topless. This was seen as a normal occurrence and did not interrupt daily life.
Rule number two: It is perfectly acceptable to spend two hours at a café after ordering only one drink. But if you cannot pay in as close to exact change as possible, they have every right to hate you.
It is also not a good idea for someone who is with you to order only water. They may think they are being helpful and polite, but really it only annoys the waiter more since they can’t charge you for it.
There really is no easy way to get on good terms with a French waiter, so the best advice is to be nice, don’t speak English if they are within a five-foot radius, and do not leave change.
This last point would lead me to rule number three: Do not, by any means, leave any tip that is below a full Euro. Not only is it unusual to leave tips in France (they are already counted in to the bill), it is extremely rude to leave change, and often is a sign that you find yourself their superior.
This is a lie, you are not superior and no matter how much you insist that what you want is on the menu or you were at the bar before that tall, blonde, French woman, you are always wrong.
Sometimes, there are no rules and you find yourself completely screwed. Maybe you get pooped on by a pigeon (hasn’t happened yet) or accidentally said a French expletive without knowing (actually happened).
If this is the case, walk to the nearest bakery, buy yourself a fresh pain au chocolat, and eat the pain and embarrassment away, because it won’t be your last mistake. But just remember, there will always be somebody who does something worse than whatever you did.
Danielle Limon is a freshman studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Ever been pooped on by a pigeon? Tell her all about it at dl119510@ohiou.edu.
