Each spring, hundreds of Vera Bradley- and Brighten-lovin’ ladies journey to Athens in cute but sensible sandals to see their 18 to 22-year-old “babies” and let loose for a few days.
Moms Weekend: the mother of all Ohio University family holidays.
The momma-migration makes Parents, Dads and Sibs weekends look weak.
You know it is Moms Weekend when 100 percent of Uptown parking is occupied by clean Sedans covered in OU pride stickers and vendors come out of the woodwork to accommodate the jewelry, jelly, candy and candle needs of our mothers.
With a weird balance of wholesome activities and straight-up sin, Moms Weekend ranks high in craziness alongside Palmer Fest, Halloween and Homecoming.
Athens even brings in the horse cops.
By day, the moms meander around town in their shorts and sneakers, treating their kids to nice meals, but by night, the sneakers are traded for heels. All hell breaks loose.
Every bar has a line out the door, and every house porch is lined with “Wooo!”-ing mamacitas, remembering how to throw a beer pong ball again.
Leave Dad at home, because moms just wanna — and are gonna — have fun.
A breed of wild animal also flocks to Athens to prowl on Moms Weekend. If left unattended, it may attack your guy friends at the bar with fierce precision.
After all, this animal has been around the block and has the funds to buy all the young cute boys drinks.
Cougars.
They are real, and they are out there. Gotta watch your backs, boys!
There are even urban legends of the fiercest cougars actually hooking up with college boys. I have never witnessed it, but the legend of the “Moms Weekend Walk of Shame” has prompted students to post up lawn chairs outside the fraternity houses in the early morning to catch a glimpse of how Mommy got her groove back.
Freshman year, I took advantage of mom generosity with an unconventional late night fundraiser: Sharpie tattoos. Never have I written “cougar” so many times in cursive on inappropriate body parts.
It is hard to imagine, but our mothers were once our age. They lived the college life, complete with raging keggers, random hook-ups, alleyway peeing and cold pizza.
Somewhere along the road to motherhood, the party girl got buried in diaper bags, PTA meetings and scrubbing the grass-stains out of your T-ball uniform.
For all they have done, the least we can do is give our mothers a weekend to be in college again.
So cheers to mom, for giving up her svelte waistline for the miracle of pregnancy, for losing sleep over wailing babies and for worrying when we’ll make it back from that high-school dance. Most of all, thank you, Mom, for having, raising and now partying with us.
Moms Weekend: another T-shirt from College Bookstore that you have to buy, and one more reason to smile — you’re in Athens!
I wonder what craziness would ensue if OU adopted a Grandmas Weekend.
Jello-shots, anyone?
Anna Moore is a junior studying magazine journalism and a columnist for The Post. Do you have any crazy mom stories? Email her at am846608@ohiou.edu.
