Ohio University is widely known and stigmatized as college party central. Let’s just face it: We make the news more often for a big bash than a big academic achievement.
That’s not to say our school isn’t teaching us well — but in our youth our priorities are much different.
With one final semester on the horizon before I depart from OU for good, I’ve had my fair share of fest experiences during spring quarter. And as with most things, I believe I’ve successfully pinpointed common blunders that fest virgins (and some overzealous veterans) commit.
I can’t think of any other instance that emphasizes the importance of pacing yourself better than alcohol consumption during spring quarter fest season. Setting out to drink 24 beers in one day probably isn’t a good idea.
You literally only live once …
Besides increased binge drinking, let’s not forget about jungle juice jinxes. Street fests are prime examples of when free booze is offered at party-participating houses, but just because it’s free doesn’t mean you should drink it!
What’s so appealing about a giant plastic bin full of an unknown alcoholic substances that’s been sitting out for hours? Do you know how many dirty hands have reached in there to scoop out cups of that mystery punch? If that doesn’t deter you, just keep in mind that only about one in four people wash their hands regularly after using the bathroom.
I’d hazard a guess and say that Drunken Daisy isn’t too concerned about hygiene when there’s a long line of chicks banging on the bathroom door telling her to hurry up. Just a thought.
So while preparation and some common sense seem to lack during weekend fests, I’ve also noticed that a lot of people seem to forget that they’re mortal …
In the early evening during one particular fest, I was returning home with my roommate from Baker University Center. We were driving down Richland Avenue, when just up in the distance we saw something weird in the middle of the road — a person.
This guy somehow got himself in the middle of the street, straddling the lanes as cars whizzed by. What’s worse is that he kept walking out into the lanes, oblivious to the fact that there were cars everywhere.
He was noticeably drunk and completely alone. Clearly, someone should have been babysitting him that night.
My roommate and I made it by without running over Immortal Mikey, but once we passed him, he decided to stroll out in front of the car behind us, forcing it to slam on the brakes. If you’re out there reading this, Immortal Mikey, I hope you’re alive and that you take it easy at the next fest.
This leads me to my next point: Pedestrians don’t always have the right-of-way! Jumping out into the street shouting, “There can only be one Highlander!” doesn’t immediately protect you from oncoming traffic.
If you step into traffic and get hit by a car, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that it was your own fault. Alcohol does not make you superhuman, and you can’t deflect a moving vehicle with your own body.
So as each new fest comes and goes, do yourself a favor and keep safety a priority. I can’t imagine that it’s any fun to end the day in the hospital.
Don’t forget that mom and dad have told you that it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt … or has their stomach pumped … or gets arrested.
Cheers to a fun, safe and responsible spring fest season!
Tanya Parker is a junior studying broadcast journalism and a columnist for The Post. Email her at tp259509@ohiou.edu.
