Not often does a professor introduce himself to his new class by saying, “Let me start out by asking: Why the hell are you all here?” But when I took a sociology class as a post-secondary high-school student, that’s exactly what came out of my professor’s mouth.
No, he was not deranged. It was 8 a.m., and he followed up by explaining that in a world where you get to choose your own schedule, taking a class at 8 a.m. seemed a bit, well, un-American.
Once I got to Ohio University, I noticed my ninth sign that my awkward, “Gross, there are high-school kids in our class,” stage was over and that I was at last in college, where making your class schedule is truly an art.
I’d also add that even though I still draw stick figures for people and think art museums are good places for naps, this is an art that I have mastered at my young age.
Let’s get back to my old professor, who had a point.
We’re in college; we shouldn’t need to wake up that early for class unless we’re one of those biological mysteries that are often referred to as “morning people.”
It’s 7 a.m., and the sunshine is coming right out of the early-risers’ eyeballs and their general perky demeanor makes you cringe like they’ve got bad breath.
Step away. Your happiness is making me ill.
So if you’re like me, you put a lot of effort into making your class schedule. Once finished, people start asking you to make their schedules for them.
Let’s use Spring Quarter that I just scheduled last week, as an example.
I have no classes that start before 1 p.m. or finish after 6 p.m., and nothing on Fridays.
Another goal is to make sure that all or at least most of your professors have a squeaky clean rap sheet on ratemyprofessors.com.
I will never understand why people always manage to pick out the professors they hate when that simple internet godsend will tell you everything, from level of difficulty to physical attractiveness.
Hey, at least if the lecture is boring, you’ll have something at which to look.
It takes just a little extra effort and creativity to get a 16 credit hour schedule like that. I’m not bragging but, well, OK … I’m bragging.
The main point is to never take “No” for an answer. Or, in this case, never take the red-colored sign of doom known as the “full” label.
Pink slips were invented for a reason. So that kid that always comes in late that has to sit at that half-assed-not-actually-a-desk chair contraption by the trashcan and is isolated from everyone else because the class is way too full? Deal with it, because I’m so not transferring to the other section of this course that meets at 8 a.m. that only has five people enrolled in it.
And if you can’t get a pink slip, you’re either not trying hard enough or the professor really does have his or her hands tied. Just make sure you put in the full effort.
“My dying grandmother’s final wish is that I take History of Rock and Roll, professor. Please do not let her have died in vain.”
“Oh, and by the way, that shirt looks fabulous on you. It really brings out your eyes.”
My sister once conned Verizon Wireless Customer Service into waiving my data package fee by telling them that I was an unruly teenager and wasn’t allowed to use the internet.
Get smart or go home.
It all just requires openness. Take something a little off-track that can fill requirements. I avoided all the classes that require prerequisites and opted for classes like Oil and World Power and Fashion and Culture.
If they ever need to hire a journalist that specializes in oil drilling or how to properly wear a poncho, you better believe I’ll be getting a job.
Jackie Runion is a sophomore studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Email her your scheduling tips at jr178409@ohiou.edu
