I have two girlfriends and each occasionally spends a night with me. My problem is that I do like one a little more than the other. However, she snores a lot and keeps me awake. I must now make a choice. Should I choose Number Two and a good night’s sleep or Number One and sleepless nights?
— To sleep or not to sleep.
To sleep or not to sleep,
You are a pig.
Unless “each occasionally spends the night with me” is code for innocent slumber parties containing more pigtail braiding and pillow talk than booty calling, but I doubt it.
Sleeping with two girls and your biggest problem is losing sleep? I’d be more concerned with all the sleep these two girls are probably losing while you’re “choosing.”
Guess what: You are the one who is losing.
Even popping a melatonin for a little extra peace and quiet won’t cover up the fact that you are two-timing both the girl you like and sleeping beauty.
You obviously missed the heartwarming scene that transpires in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams compares the snores of his deceased wife to the purrs of a sleeping kitten – that is romance.
You are dreaming if you think this question is okay in any reality, dream world or not. These two girls care about you, and whether they play it cool or let you know, no one likes to be “girlfriend number two.”
Hit the snooze button on both relationships and wake up because both ladies deserve better than a double dipping, sleep-deprived, womanizer.
You’ve made your bed—now lie in it.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
I want to say, “Quit playin’ these ladies. You don’t deserve either,” but I may have reached too rash a conclusion. It is entirely possible that you are in a functional, respectful, fully-informed polyamorous relationship and that you wish to become monogamous. You could all be single and sexually liberated and you might wish to “make things official” with one of them. You could also be using “girlfriends” to mean “female friend with whom I hang out” and simply want more than friendship.
So, although I find it unlikely that you are in any of those reasonable positions, for the sake of rational advising, I shall pretend that you are.
You choose the one that makes you happy when you are awake. There are reasons you do not hear, “I love my girlfriend because it is so easy to fall unconscious around her,” (other than the fact that you are likely to lose her as a girlfriend as a result). It is because you date a person’s conscious personality, not their unconscious, carbon-based blob that apparently makes inconveniently timed sleep noises.
Snoring is a superficial quirk that does not qualify as an acceptable deal breaker. If her snoring is really such a problem, solve it: Sleep in different rooms, make sure you fall asleep before her and go buy some earplugs.
I would be remiss to not unnecessarily remind you that your “girlfriends” are people too. They have feelings that you have to respect. Just because you chose does not mean that they are going to accept.
Alex Bill is a junior studying psychology and criminology. Send Alex and Steph your sex questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
