Effin’ hate hipsters.
Don’t tell me to be quiet — they can’t even hear me from their high horses.
Who wants to wear pants that tight anyway? I just don’t understand when it became cool to wear your sister’s jeans and a variation of the same flannel shirt as every other hipster. And what’s up with the handlebar mustaches anyway? I heard someone call it “ironic,” but they need to look that word up in the dictionary because the last time I checked, “ironic” was a synonym for “stupid.”
But I don’t hate all of them. I mean, I like Phoenix, but I guess they’re French, so it doesn’t count. But yeah, I don’t hate all hipsters. I just have a general distaste for them.
The thing that I envy the most is that they get to date the artsy girls. It’s like some unspoken law of the universe: If a girl paints, she will never give a guy in a polo shirt a second look.
So I guess it’s just the guys that I don’t generally like. It might be a competitive stripe coming out I guess. Maybe Freud would have something to say about it.
But have you seen the way they dance? Ha, Aunt Mildred had better moves, may God rest her soul.
They also talk about impractical things. Whenever I overhear them I’m like, come on dude, nobody cares if Les Miserable is better in French. You know? They totally can’t knock us for talking about sports if they’re going to sit around stroking their “ironic” mustaches, sipping on fair trade coffee, trying to be as pissed off as some guy named Bukowski.
But we’re stuck together. I dream of a day where hipsters and bros can come together and drink their PBR and Natty in communion as a bro-hood of Bobcats.
But that day is not today.
Rosie Haney is a junior studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Say goodbye to your favorite bro at mh317008@ohiou.edu.
As this quarter comes to an end, I would like to clear up any miscommunication that there might be about how hipsters feel about bros.
The complete and unhinged truth is we truly do not care about the big-boned and empty-brained jerks that consider themselves to be better than everyone else.
While many may argue that the only reason hipsters exist today is to be a counterculture that is no better or worse than the mainstream, I must argue that statement is completely and unequivocally inaccurate.
We are totally our own movement, designed by our own wishes and volitions.
Since we do not care in the slightest about the mainstream, it is important to point out that we do not pass judgments. Considering we have been subject to much ridiculing and judgment-passing, we take the higher road and do not assume ourselves with such childish occupations such as teasing or arbitrarily deciding who someone is based on the way that they dress or look.
It is unfortunate that mainstreamers cannot own the same level of objectivity and openness as we can because of the cloud of eco-unfriendly product that swarms around their beings; however, we continue to make our small but impactful presence known with every step and every well-thought out, non-coordinating outfit.
Not that I care what they think, but I can appreciate the irony in the turning of the tides. As time progresses and the world becomes more or less aware of the brilliance behind counterculture and sticking it to the man, the more attention is given to our cause and our fashion sense. And that, dear readers, is the purpose behind the plaid.
Jess Neidhart is a junior studying English and Spanish and a columnist for The Post. E-mail her for the last time at jn250307@ohiou.edu.
