Sports: Not just for bros; hipsters enjoy too
Dude, can you name all the first round picks in the NBA draft for the past 25 years?
I can.
You see, there’s more to my life than Natty Light and slamming chicks — and that’s sports.
I know what’s up with baseball. I watch football. I watch basketball. Dude, I’ll watch anything and everything. SportsCenteris where it’s at. But I can tell you one thing I don’t watch — the WNBA. Ha, I don’t know who decided to let women play sports, but there’s one thing for sure, I’m not about to watch UCONN and Louisville tear it up when I could watch American Dad … or anything else.
It’s not that I don’t like women or that I don’t think they should play sports. It’s just stupid for them to have their own league. Do you know how much money they lose, man? I wonder if they can play on their periods …
Look, it doesn’t matter. All that does is: I. LOVE. SPORTS.
I think my affection started when I was a kid and my dad would throw the ball with me in the backyard, you know. Then when I was in high school, I was the football captain and played lax in the spring. I was pretty good. I almost went to a D-III school to play during college, but I decided to come here for business instead.
But man, the Astroturf field, stands of fans, the cheerleaders. Football — those were the days. Even now the smell of excessive amounts of AXE and Old Spice bring me back.
As far as college, I usually watch more sports than I play. Sometimes the bros and I will go out and toss the Frisbee, maybe shoot some hoops shirtless on South Beach.
That’s when the ladies watch us. Score.
Rosie Haney is a junior studying journalism and a columnist for
The Post. Do you play shirtless basketball with your bros?
E-mail Rosie at mh317008@ohiou.edu.
While I know that many people think that we hipsters do not play or follow sports, we like to have fun just as much as the next group. Even though our snobbish demeanor and typically lanky body type might have discouraged the bro captain of the high school basketball team from picking us to play in his pickup game, we have intuitively found a way around that.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good game of hipster basketball behind McCracken Hall. Nothing is better than watching guys in their knee-high tube socks, sweatbands and little fluorescent runners shorts.
The intensity of these games runneth over. However, there are plenty of other hipster-approved sports.
For example, bocce ball and other lawn games can be played while looking pretentious. It allows for conversation about the microbrew you might be drinking and listening to some Neutral Milk Hotel while playing; not to mention, it gives you the perfect reason to pull out all the argyle that you have ever owned and wear it all at once. Not that you really need a reason.
Biking and mountain climbing have often been our claims to fame in the recreation world, but also hipsters can occasionally like sailing if it means we can break out the Ray-Bans.
The thing that you have to remember about hipsters and sports is that it would be too stereotypical to not like sports; so here we are, refusing to conform and giving you every reason to do a double take.
So when you see us make that dunk while playing our newly invented basketball-on-rollerblades game, just know that we really flat out don’t care.
Jess Neidhart is a junior studying English and Spanish
and a columnist for The Post. Want to play croquet?
E-mail Jess at jn250307@ohiou.edu.
