In a mere nine days this sports fan will be a man. Now I know what you are thinking: Mike
with that hairy chest and sexy voice you've been a man for years. This is true, but one thing has been missing in my life since I was just a little Bobcat - alcohol.
That's right; next Friday I will be 21 and finally able to be a true Cottrill sports fan. Now I am not inferring that alcohol absorption is necessary to enjoy athletics (though as a Cleveland and Ohio sports fan the psychopharmacological reasons are abundant); I am just saying it is an important step in my family.
You see, each year my grandmother holds a huge Thanksgiving dinner and a Christmas Eve party. My grandfather, my dad, and his six brothers and sisters all gather around the bar to talk about everything sports. My grandfather is the leader, preaching the evils of the forward pass and the detestable world of NFL replay. For years I have been unable to partake in this society of sports knowledge. Oh, I've had the tools; last year I memorized the ERA's of the 1948 Indians pitching squad to use against my grandfather when he got into his famed Why the Indians' teams of the 40s and 50s would destroy the 1995 Indians speech. But I get ignored. Sipping my Juicy Juice, I get elbowed away from the conversation each year.
This year will be different. No longer will I be sent away from discussing whether the NCAA should drop to 65 football scholarships to confirm that my little sister has not found her way to the middle of the Christmas tree again. Last year I spent my holiday talking with my 6-year-old cousin Cody. I thought that the Ohio football team would turn around in the latter years of coach Brian Knorr's contract; he thought that a G.I. Joe was a better Christmas present than a pair of sweatpants - in hindsight, he won that conversation.
So while most Ohio University students spend their 21st birthdays puking on Court Street, I will spend mine with a quality naturally iced beer, preparing to argue with my uncles over one of life's most ponderous questions: If you had a chance to either end Tony Siragusa's broadcasting career or make Lee Corso stop saying Yo which one would you do? Of course I'm not saying I won't exercise some of the fun of my final stage of American adulthood (perhaps I will vote for pornography while smoking tobacco in the liquor store - who knows?); I just have slightly different aspirations for my coming of age.
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Mike Cottrill
