I Love College!!
Okay, Ohio University, now let me really hear it!
Who loves the Bobcats?!?
Who loves the Bobcats?!?
Goooooo Bobcats!
Boy, oh boy! Another exciting year of OU Bobcat football is upon us, and I couldn't be more orgasmic. This week our campus celebrates the long-standing tradition of homecoming. Normally a mediocre contest between two mediocre teams, homecoming completes the trifecta by inviting alumni to a mediocre tailgate party. (But those donation checks ain't mediocre! Am I right, Mr. Glidden, or am I right?).
Yup, this week is time for fun, parties, backing the Cats, and old, fat guys in bars. So as a tribute to the 2003 OU Homecoming, this editorial is dedicated to the great sport of football. And as a thank you to all you athletes out there, I won't use this opportunity to make a crack about you being meatheads prone to misogyny and steroid use. Nope, none of that here. Just a diehard fan who bleeds green and white (and red when I get beat up by the defensive line this weekend!) Yippie!
I have been thinking about football constantly. You know, kind of like the way someone with cancer thinks about cancer constantly. My brother had a tumor removed last year, and he was all, What is gonna happen? Am I gonna die? Will I be able to function normally after the surgery? Likewise, during football season, I'm all, Are the Bobcats gonna win? Am I gonna watch the game here or at Peden? Will I be able to drive home after drinking eight beers in the second half? But at least I shut up about it after the season ends. My brother is still going on about his ordeal.
Anyway, during the summer, I wanted to come up with a special project to celebrate my love of the Bobcats. Something that screamed, I love the Bobcats while whispering, I can't think of an original way to show it. So, I made a corn hole board with - get this - the OU logo on it. Man, I spent all summer putting that thing together! Measuring the wood, sanding it down, cutting the hole. It was quite a process. However, the best part was painting the Bobcat paw print on the top. Dude, stop by and see it sometime. I live in any house on Mill Street.
Some people just don't understand the joy of football. The beauty is all the tactile elements that go in the game. Every down is like an epic battle in a great war, yet without all the global-social-economic-cultural-militarial-ethical consequences to suck the fun out. And none of the homosexuals and women to queer up and sissify the troops. Why, you could say I like my football like I like my war: straight men battling it out while I get drunk and watch the highlights on the television.
Sure, I've heard the trash talk about my beloved sport, but football is extremely important to the embetterment of mankind. Why else would we have the Yell Like Hell pep rally for homecoming week? You don't see a Hooray for A's pep rally during finals week? You don't hear the cannon shoot off every time someone gets a degree? Of course not. It wouldn't be as fun. And that's why I've memorized the last three years of Bobcat red zone statistics, but forget that embetterment is not a word. (Oooops! Illegal procedure on the writer! Hahahahahahaha -
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Andrew Sager
